A – I and I

The walk to town was delightful. I felt a light breeze tempering the warm sunshine. Serenaded by song sparrows and robins, I reflected on the bounties of an early summer day. I wandered over to a small plot of daisies in a yard. I spotted and studied a ladybug resting on a leaf. It seemed to be content and resting but it may have been starting to rip a hole into the leaf for nourishment. I prefer the first option but nature can be cruel. We all have to survive.

Having arrived later at the small market nearby, I collected the seven items on my mental shopping list. It’s nice not to have to write everything down. I am very happy with my A-I upgrade. The first generation didn’t fare very well. There were so many recalls that many feared the entire artificial intelligence field might have to be scrapped. Fortunately, the problem was fixed. I guess it was kind of funny to see adults playing golf with fruit. But what I really didn’t like was me calling myself Melvin and singing opera while naked in a subway car. Apparently that actually did happen even before A-I I’m told. 

Anyway, I’m fixed now and my mind is alert and well. The chip was implanted just above my left eyebrow and the scar is hardly visible. I’m glad I chose the nature programming package. It’s nice to know the true names of things. Harmonia conformis certainly sounds more classy than a “common ladybug”. 

I also chose the healthy diet program. I have a craving for baked halibut tonight, with a side of sauteed kale. As I sat in my ergonomic lazy-boy, I enjoyed each tasty mouthful as I watched the foreign language training channel. My Mandarin is coming along nicely. I sipped my lovely guava- coconut shake. Thanks to my A – I chip, I am thrilled with my new lifestyle. 

My programming is apparently not quite complete, however, as I occasionally have a hunger for a medium rare half pound burger with a mountain of fries. Fortunately, that urge passes quickly. My thoughts shifted to a beach in Hawaii. I cast my A – I  bluetooth message to my smartest TV. It’s wonderful to just think and the TV “hears me”. I sat contented watching National Geographic tours of protected forests and seashores. I am grateful to be the beneficiary of artificial intelligence. I can’t imagine how primitive people survived without it. 

Suddenly a pain struck me in the temple just above the aforementioned scar. My TV switched to a heated discussion with several high level defense department people debating the pros and cons of all out nuclear war vs. biological and chemical war. Then- an aging Brittany Speers was sitting in a tree singing a duet with Alvin and the Chipmunks. When I thought I had reached a terrifying bottom I  was subjected to the most horrifying sight of all- the 2024 Presidential Debate. 

I was fortunately able to recall that I had an emergency button hanging from a necklace. Of course, I could press the green button to order the latest Stephen King novel or anything I wanted, for that matter- by just thinking of it. Or I could press the red button and an emergency technician would be at my door in moments. Actually it wasn’t moments. It was 3.5 Meridian days, but thanks to my chip, time was blissfully canceled. 

After a quick reboot, I was back to normal. My “Free Will” package was reloaded and I will now be off to do bird watching. I understand that migration is no longer needed since birds are now all virtual. Given that birds don’t actually exist, it would seem pointless to watch them. But call me old-fashioned. I like the idea of brave little birds travelling a thousand miles to set up house, raise a family and then go south to hang out for the winter. It’s charming. And it only was a small additional cost of 38 redaculons. 

I reach for my wand and a hieroglyphic image of Bernie Sanders appears. His hair is still dishevelled after 100 years. It’s nice to know he is immortal thanks to A-I. Following my thoughts he points to me. With finger shaking “You too are immortal and don’t you forget it. You have a right to any reality you choose. Maybe even two of them”. For a moment I forgot why I summoned Bernie. Then my chip kicked in- “Bernie, tell the A-I boss I am rating him 5 stars”. “You bet. I will tell him you love the Free Will package and everyone should have it right away. Don’t forget I will soon start my 18th presidential run. Health care for all- even the birds”. 

I smiled knowing like the birds, elections did not exist, except for those who want  to hold onto the past for their pleasure.