The Verdict

Passions ran high as each witness related their close encounter with greatness. The decision will soon be made. Experts have been pontificating for several days now on all of the networks. There is no clear conclusion among them.

Mary Jane Wlicox of Biloxi Mississippi was the first to be called to the witness stand. She confessed, in spite of her Evangelical background, to be intrigued with violence. She whispered in an ashamed tone- “I really can’t take my eyes off scoundrels and scallywags”. She compared the mustached dark haired, wheeler-dealer with a perpetual twinkle in his eye- to the clean shaven, quiet, polite man who was completely honest and upright. “Of the two, I have to say I would love to spend a week in jail playing with that mustache”. The judge held his head as the jurists burst into laughter. 

Martin Gerald Whitney of Springfield Massachusetts had similar opinions. “How can we find anyone guilty when we all walk the line and often cross it”. He pulled out an old unpaid traffic ticket from another state to prove his point. He went further- “Look at the entertainment factor of crime. Crime really does pay- and quite well”. The crowd and jurists gasped a bit. He went on- “Some of our heroes can commit murder and we cheer them on because they were protecting their family and business”.

Millicent Van Buren of Sacramento California was called. She spoke passionately about not judging people by their looks or their gender. “I don’t care if men wear dresses. That has nothing to do with guilt or innocence. Everyone has a right to be themselves”. The jury seemed mixed. Some clapped and others shook their heads at the thought of men in dresses. To prove her point as she left the stand she turned to the judge and said, “You’d look mighty fine if you wore a pink cashmere sweater with a nice string of pearls”. Laughter was interrupted by the gavel- “Order in the court”. 

Matthew Joseph Franklin was called. He speculated on the nature of punishment. “We all have our demons. The real punishment is our own personal anguish. You can be living in a jungle, isolated from civilization and plagued by thoughts of death and destruction. Even if some think you’re God himself (or herself), you know when you deserve to die and rot in Hell. 

The final witness was called. Matilda Florence Wagner from Traverse City Michigan appeared to have a fondness for vulnerable people swept up into the greed of society. She was heartened by those who turn away from their massive wealth in order to hang onto a simple, pleasant memory.

After two days of testimony, the judge gave his instructions to the jury. The jury members looked very serious and ready for their deliberations. Most clutched their notebooks. Two among the jury had small neck brace pillows for their comfort. One actually had a full size pillow. The judge began his charge to the jury. “You will be required to watch each of the top five movies in full on a wide screen with Dolby sound. Do not speak during the film and refrain from using cell phones. Popcorn and soda will be provided for $19- in order to maintain the authenticity of the viewing experience”. He went on- “Plenty of kleenex will be available at each reclining chair. After you have considered the five entries for the best movie ever- Gone with the Wind, Godfather 1, Mrs. Doubtfire, Apocalypse Now and Citizen Kane- you are to retire to the conference room and come to a unanimous decision about what is the greatest movie ever”. 

Unfortunately after 17 weeks of viewing and reviewing these movies- they announced their impasse in a note to the judge. Earlier during the deliberations, the foreman passed several notes to the judge urging a broader search to include: HIgh Noon, The Green Mile, On the Beach, Lawrence of Arabia, the Exorcist and 2001. The judge declined, fearing his early retirement might be in jeopardy. 

Reluctantly the judge accepted the jury’s impasse and he concluded the trial with an admonition. “Movies reflect our life, attitudes and values. Society must learn to put aside fleeting attitudes and positions of the day in favor of focusing on bedrock moral principles we can all agree upon”. The judge returned to his office for his 147th viewing of “Twelve Angry Men”- clearly, in his mind, the greatest of all films.