Passing of time 5/23/2024

For some strange reason this week I have been thinking more than usual about my late wife , Susan, to whom I was married for 37 years.  In November 2008, she passed having been stricken with pancreatic cancer. I very quickly moved on creating a new life.  

As I look back, it is hard to believe 16 years have passed and how much my life has dramatically changed.  I have been fortunate  enough to have connected with a couple of lovely women who have been great travel partners, and companions, and have helped me look at the world from different prospectives. I have also been extremely fortunate to have been lucky enough to have someone in my life each of these 16 years.

As time marches forward I can’t help but to remember all those wonderful family times, camping trips, special holidays, and vacations, we enjoyed together.  None of these activities hold the same preciousness as they did when I celebrated them with my wife.  Perhaps my memory also plays tricks and exaggerates the wonderfulness of the past.

I believe in my grandmother’s philosophy that there is more than one lid to fit every pot. Yet I deeply wonder at my age will I find the person who will fulfill almost all of my needs.  Perhaps when I was so much younger I didn’t know any better and was not clear as what my needs and desires were.   At this stage I am very clear as what those needs and desires are, however; relationships are compromises and as we get older, people people get set in their ways and are not willing to make the compromises we made at earlier ages.

The dilemma I keep struggling with is the fact I have about 10 good years ahead of me if I am lucky. How do I want to live those years and with whom?  Do I want to increase my satisfaction index by getting more needs met which involves making significant changes, creating hurt feelings, and taking risk, or bite the bullet and just change my mental outlook and thinking?

These are all huge questions that I was never faced with 16 year ago.

As I sit here today and reflect, It is clear, time is not on my side and therefore the need to elevate my satisfaction index cannot be ignored.

We all know change is always difficult, the clock is ticking.  I believe what I am waiting for is a serendipitous moment when the decision will be made for me, such as a happenstance accidental meeting of someone who will sweep me off my feet.  Then I will not need to agonize about making this decision.  It will be so crystal clear as to what to do next.

This sounds like a cop out and it probably is, yet one in the hand is definitely more advantageous than one in the bush.

Life and time keep moving forward.

shel