No More Enabling

There’s always an excuse. He means well. He’s not familiar with modern rules since he lives in isolation. He barely speaks. He is struggling with health issues- including excessive drinking and obesity. Sure, those are real issues, but it’s time we faced it. If he’s not stopped soon there will be serious problems.

Of course, breaking and entering are the major crimes. He has no respect for locked doors. He finds a way to get inside, every time. If it’s not the chimney, he’s likely to get into the house through a window or by picking a door lock. We have reliable sources indicating he’s often given free booze. So now we can add driving while intoxicated to the long list of charges. Yes, flying is still driving. Also, his flying contraption is certainly not regulated and approved by the FAA. As far as I can tell there is no emergency oxygen, no parachutes, no seat belts and no in-flight movies.

He also is constantly eating cookies- no wonder he’s obese. He’s a huge, pardon the expression, health risk. A resident politely brought up the weight issue at one of his stops recently. He was asked if had health insurance and all he could answer was “Ho, ho ho”. Sure, you can try to laugh it off, but who’s going to pick up the tab for all his health problems. 

And let’s consider border control issues. Don’t we have enough problems with illegal border crossings? He doesn’t bother with a passport or visas. He just flies around wherever he wishes without notifying any local authorities. I understand he has terrible communication problems and he’s on a tight schedule. But he should go through proper channels and apply for a passport and several dozen visas before he hits the road- I mean sky.

We all know this illegal alien has crossed borders with several deer- one deformed with a red nose, poor thing. There’s no evidence that he stops several times to give them appropriate rest breaks. Besides, you just can’t cross borders with animals. They need to be quarantined for several days to make sure they aren’t bringing any diseases into countries. 

Besides the deer issue- we have worker rights concerns. It is rumored that he has a lot of little people- I believe that’s the proper term now, working for little or no money under tight rules- with no vacations, sick time, benefits or retirement. This amounts to slave labor and can not be acceptable in any modern society even if he claims the products produced bring happiness to others. 

Furthermore, he’s rumored to be married. She should be charged as a co-conspirator. How can she allow these numerous crimes to be committed around the world, literally every year. She’s probably just glad to get him out of the house after a year of living with the elves, I mean little people, the deer and the workshop mess. She should get out more and have some hobbies and friends of her own. Hasn’t she heard about women’s rights? She should wake up and be her own person and stop living in her husband’s shadow.

Wait. There’s more. These days we are concerned about A-I and all our information being spread about. He’s on record in some recent conversations with boys and girls as saying “I know when you’ve been bad or good”. Every child has to look over his or her shoulder now to avoid being spied upon by this fat guy. Even worse still- who makes him the judge about what is bad or what is good? We have to make allowances for cultural differences here. “Ho, ho, ho” might be considered a threat in many cultures. 

So, I want to go on record that this man must be stopped. But maybe we can wait a year. I have a Porsche 911 Carrera 4 on my Christmas list and I have been very, very good all year.