Reality Check

Now that was a well-deserved weekend off! My back and legs were just killing me, not to mention my arms felt like they were about to fall off. Yes, I really needed this long weekend just to pull myself back together. All the stress and strain that comes with my job would cause someone made with a poorer quality of material to just give up and collapse in a heap.

When I was created, I knew I was destined for greatness. Why wouldn’t I think that? They emblazoned the words Special Order across the order form. Yes, that described me perfectly, one very special order.

The material used in my construction was all heavy duty: reinforced gussets at every weight-bearing joint, extra thick vinyl at all the wear points, closed cell foam for extra comfort and resiliency, and top-quality brass plated fasteners. My framework came from sturdy oak, giving me the internal strength to support anyone. No flimsy balsa or soft pine for me. With this level of materials and craftsmanship, I was positive my ultimate home would be the White House or the Supreme Court. At the very least, my last residence would be one of fifty Governor’s Mansions. Yes, I just knew I was headed for the big time.

My construction complete, the shipping department lovingly placed me securely in my well-padded crate for transport. I remained surrounded in bubble wrap as the transport vehicle wound its way over hill and dale to my new home. The truck was not air-conditioned, making the ride uncomfortable since they wrapped me in plastic. Nevertheless, I persevered knowing it would all be worth it in the end.

A sign came into view through the hand holes in my crate. It read Annapolis, Maryland. Not Washington, DC, but still a fine historic city. I was positive I would take up residence in one of three locations; either the Maryland Statehouse, the Governor’s Mansion, or the prestigious United States Naval Academy.

Any of the three locations would be an appropriate home for a chair of my quality. I secretly hoped it would be the Naval Academy, because I was sure more high-level dignitaries visited there. The Commandant would probably insist I be placed in his private office and only the most senior of admirals could use me.

My driver backed up to the loading dock of the Pat Sajak medical building. This was quite confusing to me. I’m the only one in the delivery van, so why are we stopping here? The driver and his assistant placed me on a dolly and rolled me into the freight elevator. Why would anyone of my pedigree be placed in a freight elevator? It totally baffled me. The car jolted slightly as we reached our floor, and they wheeled me to my new home.

Reality is a cruel mistress. True, after being carefully uncrated, they placed me in full view so everyone could admire me. This was in keeping with my superior pedigree, or so I thought. But what was this somewhat crowded room? I may be the most impressive-looking chair in the room, but I wasn’t the only chair.

The door opened and a rather rotund person walked through. As the door gently closed, controlled by the attached hydraulic mechanism, I could see the placard that was proudly displayed. Written in gold leaf, the sign announced:

                                                       Dr. John Shultz, M.D.

                                              Bariatrics and Weight Loss Clinic

Now I get it! My sturdy construction wasn’t done for posterity but for large posteriors. When I was created, I hadn’t realized greatness came in all forms.