My desk, sacred – hard wood and metal in rows
Window just left – a cool frosty opaque
White light above – bright chrome with tubes that glow
The door in back – does not offer escape
The white chalk dust – trapped upon the tray
Last assignments – posted up on the wall
Our flag hanging – pledged by all each day
Loud commotion – from groups out in the hall
Now tough questions – answers I can only guess
I squirm in place – cold fear jabs at my heart
Avoid selection – try not to show my stress
Gaze at my feet – seeming now not so smart
I hear, very good – young man, well done, that’s right
I think, very cool – you dude, knew I was bright
I like the use of the pause to reflect. I agree with what the others have said, great use of words to affect your point!
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I like your structure of starting each line with a subject or an action and then adding a descriptor or thought to each. I’d like to try that myself some day. You use great word choices to show the “coldness” of the situation and the narrator’s feelings. When the tone switches at the end, there was no need to add “warm” words because the reaction spoke for itself. Nicely written!
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My first thought was that this kid has a very good teacher, able to see what lies beneath the surface.
A nice poetic portrayal of awareness and empathy.
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