We’re All On a Deadline

Up at exactly 6:30 AM every day, coffee at 6:55 AM and out the door at 7:20 to join my morning walking group which departs on its 3 mile walk at exactly 7:40 AM. I’m able to get home, eat breakfast and do my Wordle. I reward myself with another cup of coffee if I can beat my self imposed 7 minute time limit. On Mondays, I play duplicate bridge online- a national game with almost 300 players. It begins at exactly 1:10 PM EST. The director insists on having all players registered by 1:09:30 or you will be blocked from playing. I never have been blocked- I pride myself on meeting deadlines.

I wonder about those poor people a couple hundred years ago- with no smartphones, not even alarm clocks. They probably didn’t even have much use for calendars. No wonder they were so backward and primitive- they had no deadlines. Their only timer was the rising and falling of the sun each day. They started a task and worked until it was done. Today we are able to track several projects and meet countless deadlines every day. We are indeed lucky- and prosperous for our efforts.

Without deadlines- I would never be able to do my six month teeth cleaning, my car oil change and my Fleet Feet inner sole replacements. I would never do my annual physical exam, eye checkups, prostate testing and hearing aid adjustment. Everything has a deadline- even my clothes washer. It has to complete one cleaning cycle every 30 days to avoid serious mechanical failures. If I treat it well with a half a box of baking soda and a half cup of white vinegar- it will clean itself in exactly 1 hour and 7 minutes. 

Of course, we all have bills that have to be paid regularly and definitely on time to avoid late fees and credit rating problems. Even extracurricular activities have deadlines. That writing contest last fall taught me a big lesson. I was a couple hours past the submission deadline- no mercy. Rejected. Luckily they did not report this to a higher authority like my wife. 

I have to admit, I am well adjusted to a busy, modern life. I am pleased with my ability to manage numerous deadlines and stick to an orderly and efficient lifestyle. As I sip my third cup of coffee having earned a few minutes of spare time after paying a few bills online, I was interrupted in my rapture of being in complete command of my world. There was a jarring, loud banging sound. This was followed by a second loud banging sound 37 seconds later. My heart raced and my blood pressure shot up as I leaped to my feet and ran for the garage. I missed the trash day- and the pickup time deadline to boot.

I frantically pressed the garage door opener button. I pressed it several times even knowing it didn’t care. The universe was orderly and impersonal. It will not respond to my demands to open swiftly. I grabbed the trash bucket and wheeled it towards the slowly opening door, barely avoiding decapitation. Unfortunately the huge trash truck was already a half block down the road. As you do in any emergency, your brain takes over to correct human failing. It made a quick calculation- I could not catch up to it by running down the road pushing the trash bucket. I already tried screaming “Stop!” several times, but the truck with no visible ears paid no heed. 

Without a second thought, I followed my brain’s directives and quickly threw the trash bucket sideways to the driveway. The top flew open and I grabbed the four trash bags and made a run for it. I might be able to catch the truck before it turns the corner. Just as I became hopeful that I might catch the truck I noticed the bags seemed lighter. I did not take into account the fact that two of the bags were torn as they were tossed onto the bricks. I turned around slowly, fearing the worst. There it was a trail of garbage down the center of the road. 

Neighbors, alert to their deadlines and the trash pickup schedule, were walking to the sidewalk to retrieve their buckets. My shame knew no bounds. Not only had I missed the deadline, I failed to secure my garbage. One neighbor picked up a small plastic bottle that had rolled into his driveway. “I guess this is yours” as he handed me the empty bottle of Viagra. “Thanks- it’s for a friend”. He nodded slightly. 

After the street sweeping and repacking of the trash, I called the Realtor. I can not live with this shame, let alone the stink of two week old garbage. Deadlines must be met or there will be consequences.