Case Closed revised 2/14 Tom slept in this morning. He jumped out of bed remembering it was Valentine’s Day He quickly dressed and made a call to his buddy Jim who owned a jewelry shop in town named Shine Bright. “Hey Jim, it’s Tom. Karen will be in today to buy a Valentine’s Day gift.Try to keep it under $500. Thanks, I’m late for work.” Tom rushed into the kitchen where Karen and their six year old son Anthony were having cereal. Giving Karen a hug. “Happy Valentine’s Day. I told Jim you would be in the shop today to buy your gift. Have fun I’m late for work.” After Tom left for work Karen was on the phone telling her best friends Trish and Julia about shopping today. They agreed to meet her and then go to lunch. They were all excited and happy. Karen, Anthony, Trish and Julia all met in the parking lot of Shine Bright. Hugs and make believe kisses were given before they entered the shop.While Karen, Trish and Julis walked to meet Jim, Anthony took a seat near the door. Jim was in his office and yelled out to them. “Look around I will be with you soon.” The three of them were looking in the jewelry cases. It didn’t take long before the three of them were back on their cellphones.Karen had to tell her Mom, Trish and Julia were making dates to play tennis, and Jim was in his office talking to a dissatisfied buyer. A tall man came into the shop and walked directly into Jim’s office where Jim was still on his cell phone. The tall man was there for a short time and walked quickly out the door. Anthony watched him leave. Jim came out of his office with hands tied and tape over his mouth. Karen rushed to him and removed the tape. “I was just robbed, call 911. Did anyone see him?” All was quiet, the three women looked at one another and shook their heads, Anthony was still in his seat and nodded his head. Within minutes four police officers arrived. Following good police practice each officer questioned one of the four adults at the scene. It was important to get some kind of description of the robber. Each of the adults reported “I was on my cellphone, sorry, I didn’t see anything.” In a short time, all four police officers walked dejectedly to the front door. Anthony reached forward and grabbed the pants leg on the last officer leaving.”I think I can help you.” The officer named Ralph yelled. “Hey, hold on, the kid wants to tell us something.” With all four officers around him Anthony said, “Well the guy was the same size as my Dad, that’s six foot-one, he had blonde hair and a thin mustache, he had khaki pants, a tee shirt with “Eagles” on it, and Nike sneakers. The pants had a lot of white paint on the legs.” One of the officers asked. “Did you take a picture of him?” Anthony looked sad. “No, my Mom thinks I’m too young to have a cellphone.” Officer Ralph told the others to spread out and search the area. The robber was found in a local tavern. When Officer Ralph turned in the arrest report his supervisor asked. “How did you catch that guy so quick?” “Just good old police work.”
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A fast-paced story, for sure, with a satisfying ending.
One suggestion—break the story into several paragraphs to help the reader differentiate between speakers and unfolding events.
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Thanks, I’m not sure how to do that. I write in yoursuggested format but when I copy and paste it to our site that’s how it appears. Help appreciated
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