Useless Stuff

The traffic flowed along steadily.. There was the usual mix of passenger cars, trailers, construction trucks and even a few convertibles. We were in the red one, my father’s choice.  I sat in the right rear seat so I could have a good view of the signs, buildings and animals. I loved to watch the world go by.

The weather was sunny and there was only a light breeze out of the west. At a perfect 80 degrees this was certainly the day for a drive into the country. Who could be inside on a day like this? The small town we were exiting was alright, I guess, but a road trip adventure could not be beat. At the edge of town we stopped at a large gas station. It had the usual pumps and lifts for repairs, but it also had a small store with amazing things.

Besides my Baby Ruth candy bar, I prevailed upon my father to spring for a roadmap. It was perhaps my most favorite read at age 10. The names of the towns and cities were pure poetry. Who could resist towns like Conewango, Falconer, Ivory, Freeburg and Bliss. Then there were the light green, blue and light red map markings with descriptions that draw you in- The Jello Museum, the Warplanes Museum, the Bristol Hill Chairlift, the High Falls State Park, the Hang Gliding School, Letchworth State Park and the Attica Maximum Security Prison. 

Alas, my father prefered to stay on the main road for now. I was content enough to watch the cars and trucks around me. I imagined where they would go and what mishaps they might encounter. Then came the stop. Nothing moved. Sirens sounded everywhere. Police, fire trucks and ambulances whisked by.  There was an accident ahead. You never know what will happen when you travel.

Eventually the sirens stopped and we started moving slowly ahead past the wreck. The trailer had overturned and rested on the small sedan. I bet there were no survivors. I wonder if we’ll have any more surprises on the road?  

It was only a few minutes later that the weather turned violent. The winds picked up and the rain blasted us in torrents. There was no time to put up the top- and we were blown and washed off the road in an instant along with other cars and trucks. 

My Baby Ruth candy bar might be our only sustenance if we are stuck in the woods for days.  Through expert driving and some good luck my father was able to find a path in the woods and we drove on in search of the main road. Little did I know there would be even more danger ahead. 

After attacks by a Triceratops and a Stegosaurus we fought off a band of Russian Army men with machine guns and bazookas. Then a flight of bombers dropped bombs that exploded killing off the few cars that followed us in the woods. It was looking pretty hopeless. Still we pressed on through the woods seeking safe haven at the Jello Museum. The drama ended abruptly with Mom shouting from the front door.

 “Come in for lunch and pick up all your stuff. I don’t want to step on any of your legos, matchbox cars or dinosaurs”. She added with the telepathic powers of a Mom- “And roll up the hose”.

“Yes, Mom”. With that, the road trip was over. I briefly imagined Mom’s huge foot crushing the poor passengers in the Chevy convertible. It would be far more lethal than the dinosaur attack, I assure you.