Hey God, There Oughta Be A Law

Ok God. I need a little break here. Can you throw a little good news my way? My retirement fund just sprang a leak. I’ve worked all my life and I just lost a couple hundred grand in a few weeks. It’s not fair. There oughta be a law. Anyway, do what you can- please.

Thanks for the good news on my annual medical exam. All clear and I’m good to go. But you already knew that. Anyway, I just have one complaint. My health insurance is going up 10%. Can you imagine? There oughta be a law. Can’t you smite someone- or whatever you do? I know you’re really busy with the ice caps melting and all, but please look into this and end the injustice. 

God, I hate to bother you but I’m really stressed out about the air conditioning unit in our Lexus. The car is only two years old and they say the warranty was up only a few days before the AC crashed. That’s not fair. Now I have to open the windows and subject myself to pollen and dust particles while I wait for a part- and pay for it too.  There oughta be a law. If you can tear yourself away from the famine in Africa, I would appreciate some help here. 

Ok, God. The Lexus was finally fixed. It took long enough. I AM grateful for the new remodelled kitchen. It’s almost done. Thanks. There’s just one thing. The bathroom off the kitchen has a sink on backorder. Some kind of supply chain thing. I’m sure you’ve heard about that. It’s really a nuisance to have to use one of the other three bathrooms in the house.There oughta be a law.  I know you are busy with those exploding galaxies we saw with the new Webb Space Telescope shots. Wow. But if you could speed that sink along a bit I would very much appreciate that.

Ok, I hate to be a nag, God. But that first problem- the retirement fund thing- it’s not bouncing back. In fact, they say there might be a recession which could peel away another few hundred grand from that fund. I mean, really. Is that fair? I hate to sound like a broken record, but there oughta be a law. I just have one small favor to ask. I will scan the financial news every morning and I would appreciate a few stock tips. Just call my attention to whatever you know will be hot. Thanks. That will make up for that big retirement loss. Take care and say ‘hi’ to Peter and the other guys. 

Hey, God, I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I’m in a tight spot here. Yes, your stock tips were truly amazing. I made 6.7 billion US dollars in just a month. Unfortunately that brought me a whole lot of trouble. There are a dozen different agencies investigating me and it’s looking like I may be going to prison for some trumped up charge. Once again, it’s not fair. There oughta law. It’s a witch hunt. I told them I had gotten tips from God himself, but that didn’t seem to matter. In fact, it may have made them madder.  Well, can you fix this? I really need a break here. Thanks.

A voice reminiscent of Morgan Freeman addressed the supplicant. “There IS a law. It’s called ‘insider trading’. I’ve gotta run. At least you’ll have no bills and free medical care in federal prison. Don’t thank me. Oh- I almost forgot, Peter says ‘hi’ back”.