A Writing Star Emerges

By Chief Critic for the NY Times: Yushud Reed Moore

It’s with great pleasure that I endorse the monumental work of Dr. Leon Schofield which came perilously close to being lost forever. But for the accidental discovery of a memory stick in a Bangkok landfill we would never have been able to embrace the musings of the Man of Our Time. Though he has passed on, his legacy will endure forever in his magnificent autobiography- “What the Hell is Going On Here?”.

In his autobiographical masterpiece, Leon invites us to enter the journey of life, literally. He offers blank pages periodically to allow for readers to record their own thoughts, memories, allergic reactions and perverse fantasies. He even suggests readers might use the scissors provided thoughtfully in a small packet at the rear of the book to exorcise any material in the book that might be found to be boring. He urges the reader to leave, however, anything that is confusing, irritating or offensive since this is exactly what is needed for real growth. 

With a deft pen in hand Leon grabs us with his opening sentence- “This is really shit but you won’t be able to put it down”. With that challenge, we are whisked off to another world. The underlying thesis of this master work appears to be that most of life is pointless, but that’s the fun of it. 

Leon warns us- “The line between fantasy and reality is blurry”.  So we walk into Leon’s world with wonder. We experience an array of characters in the journey. These include- a toothless minstrel, a bloodhound with nasal congestion, a pet iguana named Charlie, a cat with only one life, a professor who rides a unicycle to work and a psychotic mongrel dog who barks at falling snow and leaps up to eat the flakes as they fall. What is true?

Leon, a man of science, spares little to remind us that facts are always subject to change and most research is pointless. He cites his own research to prove the point. Rats, infants and college students all tell us the same message. All animals dislike change, infants are pretty dumb, even liberal college students have unconscious social bias and stress should be avoided whenever possible. Also, licorice is truly disgusting. However, he concedes that research does provide welfare for the uber bright. Professors can grind out useless data forever and never have to face real work. 

He intones- change is the only reality- so embrace it. Leon seems to suggest we seek the sideroads of life whenever possible. Where you live, what you do for a living and what you do to actually live- all vary as they must from year to year. He warns us to avoid the singular search for perfection as it is a trap that  leads us to despair and isolation. Instead, he urges us to strive for mediocrity in many things, thus living more fully. 

Even transitory actions that have no obvious purpose can be both entertaining and enlightening. In his autobiography he offers examples of “the frosting” of life such as falling 309 feet down a near vertical drop into a hole as a life changing event. The same for a stall dive in a biplane over Sanibel lighthouse. Petting a shark 50 feet below the surface of Biscayne Bay might qualify as a big event too. Even little things, literally, such as putting a tiny band on the leg of a Baltimore Oriole offers an entry into another world. 

He extols the virtues of hobbies in life’s journey but warns again against being obsessed and trapped by a single hobby or interest. True freedom and enlightenment can be only achieved through, yes, you got it- through mediocrity. Being good at something should be a warning for all. Run from perfection. You must move on. His excursions into writing, art, ping pong, duplicate bridge, scuba diving, chess, bird banding, Wordle and humming backwards all are testaments to this truth.  

So, tighten your belt and jump into this book. You will read it with full attention and you will dedicate your life to the journey. Leon, the new Everyman, will bring you to the final sentence of the book- “Are we there yet?”. Only $29.95 at your local bookstore. Forget the 99 cent version on Kindle. It does not include the scissors.