THE TALK

Hello Lord. It’s been awhile since we had a one on one talk. I haven’t forgottenYour omnipresent glory or Your never-ending love for mankind. I’ve just been up to my ass in alligators (figuratively speaking or course) and haven’t had a chance to rap with you.

Yes I know your quite busy, Red Storm Rising, inner city crime, poverty, a Pope who’s a socialist, a POTUS that’s unbalanced, world hunger and disease, just to name a few challenges You have on Your plate.  But I’ve been told You have a unique ability to multitask… so even with a lot of balls in the air to juggle, here’s goes. 

The rest of the world is already on their knees trying to avoid a nuclear World War III, so since that is already covered, I’ll forgo praying for the big-ticket items. By the way, good job in allowing the human race to move closer to Armageddon. So much for this “Free Will” concept, pardon the sarcasm. John of Patmos knew once You gave us the ability to choose, our inner demons would surface and distort our free will; read about it in Revelations. 

There’s no guaranteeYou and I will be shaking hands when The Sixth Trumpet, Second Woe sounds the clarion call. So, if You could, please answer a few questions for me before the lights are turned off. 

– Why did You allow over 6 million Jews to be sent to the crematorium?

– Why so many warring religious sect (Sunni, Shia, Protestant, Catholic, Hindu, Sikhs)?

– Why do the good die young?

– Did the Monkees play their own instruments?

– Is that John Kerry’s real hair?

– Why no humanitarian spotlight on human trafficking and modern day slavery?

– Maybe the first one, but were the next 3 Crusades necessary?

– Was the Captain with Captain and Tennille really a Captain?

– George Harrison sang “I really want to see you but it takes so long”… has he check in withYou and if so, how’s he and John getting along?

– How can You let children with a suicide vest blow themselves up in your name?

– After a trillion dollars in research, will we finally find a cure for cancer?

– Will The Ohio State Buckeye football team ever get a decent defense?

– Is there chaos or order in the universe?

– Is it easier to love or be loved?

– Is morality absolute?

– What are numbers?

– How can I explain Intelligent Design to unintelligent people?

– What’s with Eddie Money’s Two Tickets to Paradise… Only two?

– Is it OK to kill 10 people to save 11 people?

– What do atheist woman cry out during orgasms?  Can’t be Oh God …. Sorry about that Lord, a little locker room humor to lighten things up. 

– Is evil a metaphysical construct or a spiritual conundrum?

– What is time? Scratch that one. You let Einstein figure that out.

– If it was prophesized Judas would betray You, was Judas guilty or just a tool?

– Who invented liquid soap and why? 

– Where does gravity come from? 

– What’s more important, doing the right thing or doing things right?

– If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, is there sound? Oops, high school physics answered that one. 

                         Finally, 

– Is there a You? 

Now Lord, before I get off my knees, here’s an idea. Why don’t You, Allah, Yahweh, Brahman, and Buddha, have a corporate merger. It seems there are many opposing forces, all in Your name. I can see benefits in combining the spiritual operations, one policy and procedure manual, one set of rules and regulations. One corporate voice would definitely increase stakeholder’s compliance. But one suggestion with this acquisition, make this a horizontal merger. Any attempt at vertical merger will generate corporate climbers and power plays. We don’t need another fallen archangel to muddy up the process. He did a hell of job the last time.

That’s all… see you around.

Amen