Zack and Zelda

My wife and I hadn’t seen Zack and Zelda since we graduated from college. We went back to our little Iowa hometown, and they took a job that sent them all over the globe. We kept in touch via all the electronic gadgets and platforms, but never saw one another live again. That was about to change.

A week ago, we received a call from the globetrotting couple asking us if we would like some company for about a week. Of course, we said yes, but told them that after one week in our little town, they would go crazy. They just laughed and said the change of pace would do them both some good. We agreed on a date and hung up.  

My wife and I got to work immediately after hanging up the phone. The house wasn’t messy, just not guest-worthy. We spent the next two weeks touching up scuffed walls, polishing anything that looked dull, and making sure the barn was double locked. Our guests thought we were high school teachers and there was no reason for them to suspect anything different.

I’ve always found it interesting to see the way people change physically as they age, but remain the same. That’s precisely how it was with Zack and Zelda. They were still the fun-loving, joke-telling couple we enjoyed hanging out with in college, just more intense. The word that best describes their new persona is—driven. From the moment they pulled into our driveway, the pace of life tripled. Their rapid-fire questions about everything from what we did to have fun to how we could afford such a large house with all this acreage on a teacher’s salary were both intimidating and off-putting.

On day two of their visit, I turned the tables on them. I asked what company paid two people to travel around the world on what appeared to be a permanent vacation?

The answer sent shivers down my spine.

“We inspect global production sites to see if they are worth keeping or not. Besides visiting old friends, we are here to inspect your production facilities.”

“Zack, old friend, what are you talking about? We are simple country high school teachers. They have given you some bogus information.”

“Oh, Pete, you and Penny were never good poker players because you couldn’t bluff worth a damn. I’m willing to bet that in that barn is a lab capable of producing some of the best cocaine this side of Kandahar. I know this because the people we work for are your biggest customers.”

Zack finished talking, and Zelda produced a sheet of paper with a list of shipments and delivery locations. It was true. They knew all about us.

“Don’t look so worried,” said Zelda. “We’re here to help you increase production and distribution. It’s what we do! By the time we’re done, you’ll have half the state working for you.”

“That’s exactly what we don’t want,” exclaimed Penny. “We keep the operation small to stay under the radar. What you’re proposing will increase our exposure.”

“Don’t worry, Penny,” Zack chimed in. “We won’t let anything bad happen to our old college friends.”