To List or Not to List

Whatever problems you may face in life, you will be urged to make a list. Lists are the life preserver of our existence, say most folks. If you have scores of pressing things to do, if you are drowning in debt, if you are struggling with crippling self doubt, or if you are paralyzed with fear over what to get your spouse for your 25th anniversary- make a list. 

But, dear Reader, I am here to expose this myth that all our ills can be solved by lists. For example, try writing a list of chores for you to do this weekend. Are you really going to sort through all your cloths and box the donations for Goodwill, plant that half acre flower garden you’ve been planning for six years, paint the garage, wash all the filthy windows inside and out, and organize that junk draw in the kitchen that is an orphanage for all things lost. That last one has given me a rash and dizziness just thinking about it.

Besides the crushing humiliation of barely starting even one of those tasks there’s lots of pressure to decide what to include in your list. Even if you have decided to avoid the big tasks, which chore will make the cut? Should I sharpen all my pencils just for something to cross out on my list? Should I drop cutting my toenails in order to go to the bottle return with my five big bags of beer bottles? Should I clean the lint traps or check my tire pressure? There’s just too much stress.

OK, some lists appear to be benign. Take for example a simple query. Someone may ask you “What are your top ten favorite books”? You suspect it’s a setup. They just want to point out your faulty judgements in their desire to promote their own opinions on the matter. Even worse, you may have only read three books. Even if you decide to change the question to “my top three books” you will have to decide how to rank them. How do you rank “Green Eggs and Ham”, The Giant “Donald Duck Christmas Comics”, “Godzilla Eats Cleveland” and page one of “War and Peace”? Each one has its own merits. You can’t compare apples with honeydew melons. 

Even less provocative questions such as “What’s your favorite top ten foods?” can be painful. Are we considering price here? What about location? Are you at a baseball park, a wedding reception, a Christmas party or alone in bed. The answers may vary- a hot pretzel, frosting, a candy cane soaked in brandy, or a big bag of Utz Dark Russet Kettle chips washed down by a glass of Yellowtail chardonnay. You can see my dilemma here. 

Have I convinced you to abandon lists? In fairness we should be balanced here and consider the benefits of lists. Lists are endless and they can remind you that you must avoid fun and work hard until you die. Well, maybe that’s not a positive. OK, lists make you feel in control though you are most certainly not in control of anything really. But, others will think you’re in control and very capable so they’ll pile more on your lists. Of course, you can’t refuse due to your superiority. More work, more stress. Maybe that’s not such a positive thing. 

OK, here’s a good one. You can just make lists all day and never do anything. You are simply just too busy making lists. After all, you really shouldn’t start until your list is complete. That might work for a while but you will soon be discovered and called a slacker. Which is a slight positive since nobody will expect you to do anything and they might leave you alone. 

I think on balance you will have to agree that lists are evil. They set you up for failure and control you in the process. So, I’m going to close this little essay now. I’m busy watching the pink clouds at sunset, feeling a light breeze on my face, watching a flock of ibis head to their evening roost, and noticing the many shades of green on the palm fronds. I will be present in the world. Let’s see, if I spot six more things of interest I can write a list of the top 10 things I love about a Florida sunset.