ODORIFEROUS

ODORIFEROUS

“What the devil is that awful smell? It’s bringing tears to my eyes, not to mention the dog passed out! Every night it’s like this.”

“For goodness sake, you know damn-well that I cook exotic foods from around the world. Why, out of the blue, are you now complaining? We’ve been married for twenty years. You should be use to it by now. …and, by the way, we don’t own a dog!”

“What have you concocted tonight that smells like completely rotten, mushy onions?” 

“You’ve had it before. I’m using Dorian fruit in the salad. It’s an essential part of my southeast Asian cuisine.”

“Next time leave it in Asia, not here.”

“Back off, Lance! Last night you crabbed about Veux Boulogue cheese. You had the nerve to call it the slinkiest in the world, but you savored every bite.”

“You didn’t have to serve it with Lute Fisk, which is my favorite Norwegian dish.”

“I ran out of lye and couldn’t reconstitute the stupid dry cod. Tomorrow we’ll have rice noodle soup with Namo.”. You know how you love fermented soy beans.”

“How about something easy like steak and mashed potatoes?”

“OK, but I’d like to use Iru from the Yoruba people in Nigeria as an excellent flavor enhancer. You never objected to fermented locust beans before.”

“I appreciate all these exotic tastes, but how about regular food without the ethnic additives you seem to love?”

“But you know I love using these exotic flavors. Why can’t you understand? After all these years try to expand your palate.”

“I understand, but my tastes have never been yours. You just do not seem to care.”

“OK, you have a point. Tonight, we’ll have spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Fabulous!”

“I’ll just add a smidgen of fermented soy bean paste. It’ll add a lot of zest to the meal!”

They ate supper that night, same as they always did. He lit several scented candles as he always did.

He followed desert with a healthy spray of Lysol.

She did not protest.

The dog next door let out a mournful cry!