My Secret Power

Who would have thought that my super power would be hyper excellent hearing? After years of “What?” I now enjoy the ability to hear better than most mortals- thanks to the newly designed ReSound 3000. I can crank it up to catch a bird chirping a few thousand feet away. Yes, technically I don’t really have a super power since my power is derived from modern technology and not from my native ability. But I still enjoy my special gift … mostly. 

I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I can picture him clearly at the produce department. The man was middle aged of average height and weight. But he looked quite fit and strong in his averageness. His muscular upper arms pressed against his t-shirt, straining to be released. The tattoo on his right forearm seemed military in nature and fit well with his freshly trimmed crew cut and fading scar on his right cheek. I speculated that he might be a Russian special forces agent. 

I was drawn to him. He was conversing on his bluetooth in a low tone as he carefully examined the tomatoes. He was not aware of my super powers so he continued to converse quietly while I feigned interest in the quality of the little red fruit. Yes, technically, tomatoes are fruits but I digress. Unfortunately his blue tooth conversation was occasionally blocked by a herd of teenage girls wandering by giggling loudly about Mary’s outrageously tight jeans and her failed attempt to win the heart of Bobby. But still, I got plenty from Ivan. “… super … bomb” got my immediate attention. Other terms included “ … ingredients …. don’t tell … be careful …”.  I was hooked.

I watched as he suddenly snatched some tomatoes and a bag of Romaine and headed to the grocery aisles. At first I thought I was overreacting. I kept a 20 cart length distance from him to avoid detection. I became alarmed when he moved on to the hardware aisle. He threw a roll of duct tape, a roll of packing twine and a can of lighter fluid into his cart. 

“See something- say something”, I told the manager. We looked at the surveillance tapes but at the end all Bob could say was, “He didn’t hide anything on his person, he acted in an orderly fashion, he paid cash for everything, he walked slowly to his red Mercedes SUV and he drove off in a slow and careful manner”. I reminded Bob of my super power- super hearing. Bob responded that there was nothing he could do except keep an eye on him in the future. 

Clearly I would have to be the one to break this case. I decided to return daily at the same time to the same produce counter. Sure enough, he was back again two days later chatting quietly on his bluetooth. Again, my super powers unfortunately picked up a child’s argument with a parent nearby- “No, I won’t eat that, you can’t make me”. It went on for a few minutes with a few lulls during which I caught Ivan’s conversation. I heard “ … We’ll have to move it up an hour … does he know about it? … don’t say a word … it will be quite a shock …”. This time I have it all on recording. I even have some good photos of Ivan. As I pretended to type a text message I started the recording option and took a couple of shots as I turned past him while “typing”. 

In the parking lot, I pretended to be checking my receipt against the items in my bag as I observed Ivan. He was chatting with his co-conspirators. I cleverly dropped a plastic water bottle and it rolled next to his car.  As I rose after picking it up I glanced into the car. I observed a “Happy Birthday” banner. Without surrounding distraction I heard the rest of Ivan’s plot. “Yes, the surprise birthday party will be great. We can make a nice salad with the ‘super sweet bomb’ tomatoes he loves.  I’ll fix the loose grill leg with the duct tape and hang the decorations up on the rope in the yard. He’ll enjoy that great Angus steak. Yes, I have plenty of lighter fluid. See you soon”. 

As I walked by Ivan, holding my bottle of water, I smiled and said “excuse me” as I squeezed past him. I curbed my desire to say “I hope you have a nice party”. I made a mental note to turn off my ReSound 3000 the next time I go to the market.