In the Dead if Night

Somehow the door wouldn’t open. The bare light bulb hung in the hall flickering a warning. Would I listen? No. I would not be deterred from my mission- whatever that was. I couldn’t find my keys and I didn’t see any keyhole anyway. Finally with a mighty tug the door yielded.

The furniture was odd. A bed sat in the corner. It was plain, without a headboard. The linens were neatly pressed and turned over inviting occupation. An orange overstuffed chair sat in the middle of the room ready for the inquisition. A bookcase stood at attention near a small window. It was filled with miscellaneous books of all sizes and types. I strained but couldn’t make out the titles. In a few spots on the shelves some broken metal toy cars sat, parked in a dark spot. 

I tried to check the time on my watch, but I couldn’t make it out. The hands on the clock seemed to be moving about randomly chasing one another. The bus finally came. I guess I wasn’t late after all. 

The kangaroo I sat next to had a pair of dark rimmed glasses. I couldn’t make out what he was reading. I tried to inch away from him because kangaroos can be cranky, especially if you disturb their reading. 

Apparently while we were driving we encountered fallen trees on the road or on a river. They blocked the way. We had to get out of the bus. It seemed pretty dry so the river was probably just a road with a picture of a river on it. Stepping over the fallen trees I was surrounded by several aggressive squirrels. They were nibbling on the trees and giving me the eye. I kicked at them and jogged over to a grove of trees.

Having safely reached the line of trees I stumbled into a hole. I seemed to float downward since gravity was apparently minimal here. However, escape was impossible given the steep walls of the hole. I thought about calling 911 but the reception would be terrible here. The only solution was to dig a hole with my shoe. 

After reaching the rim of the volcano, I spotted a guide resembling Smokey the Bear. He motioned to me and together we walked over the lava to the other side. He reached into a pocket and gave me a nut to eat as he removed his bear disguise and assumed his real identity- a very large squirrel. I ate the nut and then realized the nut was eating me from the inside out. It was attempting to leave me and get back to Smokey’s pocket I guess. The nut was about to burst free when I checked the time. 

I glanced at my watch. It said 7:30. I  should say- it showed 7:30 since it was silent. There were no squirrels, no kangaroos, no volcanoes. My brain, busy much of the night, decided to leave me for now and it allowed me to return to the real world. I was relieved. Now I could catch up on reality and not worry about squirrels, kangaroos and volcanoes. 

I sat down to catch up on reality with CNN and a cup of coffee. Let’s see. It looks like Florida has the highest incidence of Covid in the world now, not just in the United States. A school superintendent got death threats for daring to suggest that children would be safer in school if masked. The Pillow Man is still giving us advice on how to run an election. Governor Cuomo has crossed the line though he doesn’t know where the line is. Governor Desantis is looking for ventilators though he seemed unsure about if he actually had run out of them in the state or if someone in the state had asked the feds for them for no good reason. The recently passed trillion dollar infrastructure bill will insure that incumbents will be re-elected and a few pot holes will be filled. 

The Taliban took over Afghanistan and they have returned it to the middle ages and put women back into veils and silence, locked in their homes. Forest fires continue raging in the west. Droughts threaten the world food supply. Immigrants are fleeing poverty, disease and deadly gangs. Parts of the Gulf of Mexico are on fire. Russian tundra fires are melting the permafrost adding to CO2 release. The ice caps are melting much faster than expected. Hundreds of thousands of acres of trees are dying in the west due to years of drought. An earthquake just levelled parts of Haiti killing a couple thousand; I guess their misery index after covid, presidential assasination and a tropical storm was not low enough. And the Tooth Fairy has been arrested for breaking and entry as well as assault and indecent exposure. Actually this last one is not true. 

On the brighter side, Britney Spears may get to spend her fortune after all. And the stock market is happy for some unknown reason. And the Buffalo Bills have decided to stick around Buffalo, provided the taxpayers spend a billion dollars on a new stadium. And scientists have decided that the universe is actually one really big donut though they aren’t sure if the donut has sprinkles or sugar. Still, I think I will finish my coffee and go back to bed for a less stressful life with squirrels, kangaroos and volcanoes.