CALVIN

CALVIN

Calvin X. Winkler had been married three times. His first wife could not control a raging heroin addiction. She died of a bad dose that contained fentanyl! They were married only six months when she died.

Calvin’s second wife, Dora, was an ultra-intelligent woman and a member of Mensa. She realized after the first month of marriage that our hero was just plain stupid. She immediately had the marriage annulled. She married a Rhodes scholar from California, had three wonderful children and is still happily married. She never hears from Calvin nor does she want to.

As always, Calvin didn’t stay single for any length of time. He met a pole dancer, LaVergne, from Las Vegas and immediately fell head-over-heels in love. He moved to Vegas and landed a menial job washing dishes at the MGM Grand Hotel. They married with ten show girls as the Maids of Honor and a fellow dishwasher as his Best Man. At first his wife’s job did not bother Calvin, but the continued ogling by the men in the audience started to get the better of him. Still, the money LaVergne bought in was fantastic and so was the sex. So, he sublimated his jealousy.

Inevitably, envy finally got the better of him and he filed for divorce. The divorce was acrimonious and Calvin lost almost everything. He moved back east, determined to find the woman of his dreams.

After two years, Calvin met Felicia, a junior college grad working in the financial district as a fiduciary. Simply stated, she was the woman of his dreams. He was determined not to screw up for the fourth time.

He made up a totally revisionist story of his life, never mentioning his previous marriages (naturally!). He told Felicia that he had graduated Summa Cum Laude from Tufts University, majoring in pre-law. He attended Columbia University and received his law degree, graduating third in a class of one hundred. He also told her that he was currently employed as a trial lawyer at the prestigious firm of Merriman, Nichols, Foster and Bernstein.

Calvin had no idea how long he could get away with this ruse. He brought no money home. How long would it take for Felicia to discover the deception and dump him?

Calvin had no choice. He became a criminal! He successfully robbed check-cashing establishments around NewYork. He was quite adept, leaving no clues and getting away with dozens of robberies. But before he could marry for the fourth time, he slipped up! At the last robbery his mask slipped off and was identified, arrested, tried, found guilty and sentenced to fifteen years for armed robbery. After, Felicia disappeared from his life.

Amazingly, his second wife continued to visit him in prison! She also worked diligently to reduce his sentence – a strange turn of events to be sure.

Calvin always hoped that he would marry someday. Alas, it was not to be. He got into a fracas with another inmate who eventually stabbed him to death in his cell!

In an amazing twist all three of his ex-flames attended his funeral…