(I’m entering this in a contest, so please, critique away!)
Mama left no footprints
when she alighted last night.
Summoned by loons,
fireflies bright,
carried by moon
beams’ sterling heights—
Mama left no footprints
when she slipped in last night.
In silence she fluttered
aloft, mystical skies
spinning like silk
on my closed eyes.
Gently adrift
in crystal sighs,
my name softly uttered
to my wondrous surprise.
“My Baby,” she crooned,
purring soft as a whiff,
kissing my cheek
gently, as if
to speak would pique
my dreams, sifted
loose from laughter with loons’
whooping red-throated riffs.
She twisted thick tresses
darkly curling like hers.
Eyes somersaulted
lingering near
mine. Tasting salt,
tears dissolved years—
vanishing time precious
for a secret to share.
Bewilderment unfolds
Beryl eyes now confide:
I choose anew
breath—ours, yours, mine.
Her simple truth
with me abides
Still. New life beholdened,
emboldened—loathed she to die.
Warm like velvet her lilt
In the still of the night
Op’ning my heart,
my eyes, my sight.
Stigma unhearthed
from dungeons unbright
and disparaging guilt.
We—Lilith’s acolytes.
Mama left no footprints
when she tucked me in tight
with silv’ry moon,
fireflies bright,
and yodeling loons,
she kissed good night.
Mama left no footprints—
She subsumed with me life.
A lovely tale, told poetically…..made me feel as if I were actually there.
My only suggestion, given my love of rhythmic writing, would be to mind the flow into the final two lines of each stanza, so there’s no abruptness caused by consonants or extra syllables.
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Beautifully haunting! As Steve has suggested, you have a powerful use of words to tell your story.
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Terrific piece of writing. Your use of language left a footprint on me!
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Patty , really like the concept. email me the piece and I’ll put my flavor on it, if you don’t mind.
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