The Perfect Crime

The crime scene was familiar yet shocking. The body lay prone. Eyes were wide like a stuffed toy teddy bear. His mouth was partially open- frozen in mid-sentence. The patrolman stood outside the first floor apartment- nonchalantly sipping his coffee. The patrolman checked their ID and admitted the pair.

Watson bent over to examine the body. There was a huge amount of blood. Watson thought, “The cause of death is plain”. He carefully observed and measured three deep stab wounds. The victim’s glasses were bent and lay two feet in front of the poor man’s face- looking back at the victim. “If only the glasses could speak” Watson mumbled in a low voice. 

Sherlock responded “Oh, but they can. Everything in this room has a voice if only we’d listen”. Watson nodded slightly. He’d become accustomed to Sherlock’s deductive chains of thought. It was the tone of arrogance that was annoying. He did have to concede, however, that Sherlock’s powers of observation were brilliant. 

The open wallet was examined by Sherlock. Two snifters of brandy sat on the desk, partially consumed. In the wastebasket sat a few travel brochures. On the desk were a couple of bills. The entire office was spotless except for the blood stained expensive oriental carpet. 

Holmes walked over to the bookcase. He saw rows of classic literature- Shakespear, Keats, Bronte and Dickens. The victim appreciated more modern fiction as well including Poe and Hemminway. The books were all worn and well read. On one shelf sat two pristine, unopened paperback books- Sedaris’s “Me Talk Pretty One Day” and Adams’s “Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy”. These popular social satire books were of no interest to our victim. 

While Watson took medical notes, Holmes suddenly dropped to the floor. His face only inches from the floor as he quickly scrambled across the wood planks like a frightened crab on a beach. He paused to touch the surface and occasionally bent closer to sniff deeply. 

Watson chuckled- “I suppose you’ve solved this one alreadky”. Holmes rose, took out his pipe and lighter, and after several deep draws he spoke. “Yes, it’s rather elementary Watson”.  Sherlock laid it all out.

“The gentleman was killed by his male lover. This was no robbery. The money left in the wallet and the expensive diamond ring on his hand make that clear. The brutality of the attack and the deep wounds indicate it was a crime of passion by a male assailant, known to the victim since he clearly had shared a drink with him and there were no signs of resistance”. 

Holmes went on. “The presence of two unusual and unopened books indicates the assailant introduced some new literature to our victim who appears to have rejected this overture”. Holmes brushed his hand over the well read books- “Our victim clearly preferred classic literature and he had no tolerance for modern social commentary. Furthermore, our assailant was likely hoping for a romantic getaway to a couples’ resort which again was rebuffed as we can see examining the wastebasket. Perhaps that was the last straw”. 

Watson sighed, “That may be all true my dear Sherlock but how do you explain the fact that the door was locked and bolted from the inside?. After the housekeeper couldn’t get in with her key, the police arrived to find this”. Holmes continued, “Again, elementary. There is a trap door behind the desk. The killer did the deed and escaped to the basement below through the trap door”. Holmes went on, “I detected the smell of a cheap aftershave lotion near the floor behind the desk”. 

As Sherlock quickly moved the chair behind the desk, he withdrew a small flashlight and a pen knife from his pocket, opened the door and descended down the ladder. Watson shut the door and walked to the apartment’s front door. He told the officer on guard “Holmes is staying to investigate further. I’m off to lunch”. 

The headline in the paper the next day said it all. “The Great Holmes is Dead”. The story below indicated Holmes fell to the basement where he was impaled by several spikes. The article went on to report an interview later with Dr. Watson.The article quoted Dr. Watson …   “Apparently the assailant knew Holmes would be called in for this difficult case. I surmise he set a trap for Holmes. I’m sure you will find a weakened rung in the ladder”. The article went on to regret that Holmes was finally beaten. However, the article offered conciliation stating that Dr. Watson would be taking over for all  future investigations.

Dr. Watson sat sipping his morning tea. Several newspapers were stacked on his desk to savor and remember the long Homes-Watson association. Dr. Watson opened his desk drawer and stared at two books- “Me Talk Pretty One Day” and “Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy”- sitting beside several Sandals Couples’ Resort brochures and a bottle of Old Spice. He smiled as he thought- “Two perfect murders- elementary, my dear Sherlock”.