A Little Piece of Heaven

Every time I think my life couldn’t possibly be any better, POOF! WHAM! KAPOW! It becomes more heavenly. It didn’t start that way, not by a long shot. I was born into a dirt-poor family, the middle child of seven brothers and sisters. We usually had at least one meal a day during the summer and three when school was in session. All my clothes, from underwear to shoes, were hand-me-downs from my older siblings. My parents possessed no special skills, so they earned a living as day laborers. It looked like life had dealt me a losing hand from the start.

The school didn’t like me, and I didn’t like it until my junior year. I was required to take a course in comparative government as well as a course in computer science. Why I needed to know about my government and how it functions made no sense to me. How would learning about its various branches and then comparing it to other countries’ governments help me earn a living?

Computers were as necessary to my existence as a tennis racquet. Our family not only didn’t own a computer, but we also had no internet access. Strange how the things that seem the most useless can become a person’s most valuable assets. Please let me explain.

For some inexplicable reason, computers and programing came naturally to me. Lines of code spiraled through my mind the way an eagle dips and swirls through currents of air. My instructor recognized my talent and placed me in an advanced course for gifted students. By the end of my senior year, I was teaching the class. We never did get a computer at home. I would write code longhand at home and enter it during the day at school. One would think that possessing such a talent would be my ticket to any university in the land, but that was not the case.

It was politics that taught me how the real world works. A dirt-poor kid from a rural school without social or athletic standing had no chance at taking a wealthy kid’s spot at a prestigious or, for that matter, any school. The old saying about one door closing and another opening is true.

It took time and multiple low-paying jobs, but I was finally able to purchase a top-of-the-line computer. Next, I developed code that allowed me to access large networks of people’s personal information. Most people know next to nothing about their government and its enforcement powers. I used this lack of knowledge to my advantage.

My first ruse was to call thousands of people via the phone company’s servers and tell them their social security number has been suspended. To reactivate the number, they will need to provide personal information plus a credit card to cover the reactivation fee. The scam was successful initially, but then it was time to move on.

I went from social security numbers to threatening legal action if bogus fines were not paid. From there, I moved to pitch fake car warranty policies that have made me a multimillionaire. My computer network is vast because I use malware to infect people’s devices, giving me control without the owner ever knowing. Have you ever returned a call from an unknown number only to hear the person on the other end swear they never called you? Well, they didn’t. It was one of my programs contacting you.

Yes, it’s been quite a journey, from a run-down shack with barely enough food to survive to a mansion with a pool, luxury cars, and more money than I know what to do with. I’ve managed to carve out a little piece of heaven right here on earth.