Pardon Me?

It’s Christmas Eve Day. All I want for Christmas is a pardon. Think about it. All I really did was to try to make people happy and a little bit more prosperous. OK, I did like the limelight. I am known and recognized by nearly everyone in the world. That’s a big deal.

So, I sit here alone. I don’t even bother to put on my suit. OK, tonight is a special night. I will dress up. I promised the missus that I would celebrate Christmas a bit early tonight since I do have some business to attend to later. She hates to wait up for me. I wonder if she’ll like the gift that I got for her when I was passing through Paris a while ago?

She just doesn’t get how much stress I am under these days. I have a ton of legal problems. I haven’t paid any taxes in years but I do have a lot of write offs. Then there are the illegal flights, the nighttime travels, the gifts- with no records and no witnesses. My legal team will certainly be busy.

From the master bedroom suite comes the call- “Come in dear, I’d like to show you something?” The voice sounded unusually cheerful and pleasant. I sprang to my feet, and tightened my belt over my big belly. I know, it’s my fault. I admit it. I am addicted to junk food, snacks and sweets.

At the door, I announced my arrival. “I’m coming in now”. I opened the door slowly. My jaw dropped and I was momentarily speechless.

There before me was my beautiful wife adorned with the finest French lingerie. Since this is a PG rated story, I can not describe the scene in detail. However, I will say that the strip of red velvet surrounded by fluffy white fleece was breathtaking. She even added some ornaments strung with care. I stroked my beard in anticipation. Mrs. Claus stared at me and sang a sultry tune- “Ho, ho, ho- Big Boy. Have a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”.

At least she pardoned me.