RALLY

RALLY

    Anti-jacketeers held a massive rally outside the Burlington Coat Factory in International Falls, Minnisota to protest what they called, a 

left-wing cold weather conspiracy.

    “These elitist owners think that they can convince us that down jackets, parkas and mackinaws can protect us from the quote, “cold, inclement weather” unquote, but we know better than that infantile notion”, stated rally leader F. Leighton Stanton. He went on to accuse the retail chain of fear-mongering in regard to dangerously frigid temperatures. He added over the cheers of his short-sleeved supporters, “These items of clothing severely restrict one’s mobility with thick layers and puffy sleeves.”

    “First you put on one of their accursed coats, then you add a hat and scarf. The next thing you know you’re covered up everywhere, but your eyes. They’ll probably mandate dark glasses to conceal everything!”

    His second-in-command, a surly Joe Bob Dunford added, “If they think I am going to willingly button up some straight jacket, you’re out of your mind! I can’t use my hands when I am restricted by mittens – that is exactly what they want!”

    Joe Bob’s wife, Lucy Mae, always by her husband’s side, shouted, “No one is going to bundle us up, because this is the good old U S of A. We have the right under the First Amendment to wear what we want, when we want, where we want! These lefty tyrants darn-well know the heat from your body will get trapped inside a coat and you can certainly be boiled alive!”

    The owner of the store, fearing for his safety, never came outside. After all, it was five degrees below zero.

    The crowd dispersed, after a sudden blizzard popped up. The snow and high winds did put a damper on the rally.

    Mr. Stanton, at home in front of a roaring fire, issued this statement: “I wouldn’t doubt that these pro-coat guys artificially produced this lousy weather. Another typical move in the war to restrict our freedom!”