Clothing Statements for the Times

In the past, we settled our political differences with pins. “I Like Ike” was a simple statement inviting others to do the same. It was a polite request that was printed over a picture of a smiling figure resembling everyone’s favorite grandpa. Today we have an entirely different type of messaging.

We have endured several years of bright red hats and shirts emblazoned with “Make America Great Again- Vote Trump”. Lately I have seen a small rebellion. Printed over a Tide laundry box background it reads “Stamp Out Orange Stains! Vote”. Since it didn’t specify who you should vote for I guess it would be vote for anybody else. A more polite one reads “ByeDon”.

In past times we used to settle for wearing apparel that celebrates corporate America allowing the wearer to feel some sense of empowerment by just associating with the name Nike, Puma, CK, Rebok etc. My favorite logo was the Brooks Brothers logo showing a sheep hanging limply from a rope tied to its middle. I presume it was designed to suggest suicide is preferable to buying anything but BB. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen that logo lately. Maybe the politically correct police tracked BB down. I digress. We now feel empowered by wearing politically driven apparel messages.  The louder the better.

Since I prefer not to endanger my life by wearing any apparel identifying me with a party or a politician, I have an alternative. I recommend a new brand of apparel featuring- wait for it. Drum roll … the question mark. Before you get mad and throw your MAGA hat at me, hear me out. It will be a simple, large question mark. That’s it. It will be large on the back and smaller, on your pocket or where a pocket should be, on the front. No, not on the crotch of your pants, although that would be another political statement, I guess.

I am tired of statements and demands shouting at me from clothing and hats. Apparel should not be pressuring me or anyone. With a question mark you will be perfectly dressed in any crowd. You will be immediately perceived as being an intellectual and an open person. Of course, that might piss off many people. However, I bet most people will simply assume you are on their side. It’s too much work to think otherwise. After all how could any sensible person disagree with them? If they press you for an explanation, just nod your head slowly and wisely saying in a low Barry White sexy voice, “Questions are better than answers”. It’s vague and mysterious. They’ll love it and by extension, love you.

Of course, like any good product line, there must be embellishments to expand sales. I will add T shirts with dozens of question marks of different sizes and colors. They will be on T shirts only. I told you, stay away from the pants. There may be a lot of little question marks on the front of the shirt and one giant question mark on the back for the Big, Ultimate Question.

OK, it’s not zippy enough for you? Fine. I have just the product for you. I will have a large question mark with an exclamation point after it. There, now you have an urgency and almost a command. There is an energy about it too. Take a stand, now! Just $19.99 for each shirt or hat. Shipping is free.

Why not buy now???????