PFIZERMACHINATIONS

 

PFIZERMACHINATIONS

 

A frustrated CEO, G. Armanio Day, in an internal memo, admitted that his company, Pfizer, discovered a proven-successful vaccine for Covid-19 months ago, but still cannot agree on an effective ad campaign or a catchy name for it.

The memo stated that anyone in the Pfizer organization would be fired, if this information ever leaked. Any whistleblower, in addition to losing his or her job, would be sued with the full force of the Pfizer legal team.

Dr. Amy Weatherwax, a key member of the development team, has been missing ever since she came out publicly stating, “The vaccine works, but the company has sat on the results until they could give it a catchy name and decide on a proper campaign for its debut – plus finding enough vials on the market to contain the drug.”

Dr. Farnsworth Millstein, another member of the team that developed the vaccine, was found dead in his wrecked automobile. The accident was determined to be of suspicious origin and is currently under investigation.

Leighton von Meister, the largest holder of Pfizer stock stated, “If there is indeed a vaccine, it is damn smart to delay the announcement of its discovery. I am positive I can make a huge profit from the delay”!

CEO Day has vehemently denied any such vaccine exists. All he would admit is that Pfizer is “making every effort at development and, hopefully, we will have success in a very short time”.

Rumors have swirled on Wall Street. There has been a substantial increase in its stock price. Trading was suspended for hours yesterday.

Mrs. Day, in a press release, vehemently defended her husband. “He would never do such a hideous thing! This is a smear of his good name! The media should be ashamed!” Mrs. Day or her husband could not be reached for further comment.

Security at Pfizer’s research facility has been considerably ramped up. Reports have circulated of heavily-armed security guards on the premises. Flint Larsen, a janitor at the facility says he also was armed, but doesn’t know why. “A bucket and a mop have been all I ever needed”.