SHOWER SAFETY

 

SHOWER SAFETY

 

A bizarre news item appeared in the Peabody, Massachusetts’s newspaper,” The Peabody Post”. It reported on a local resident, Stephen Millersteen, who told a reporter for the newspaper that it had been months since he has felt really clean.

He stated that he could not wait for the Covid-19 quarantine to end so he could finally shower again.

“Everyone has to make sacrifices. I know that, but I must admit that I truly miss showering for the past eight or nine weeks.” Millersteen went on to describe his struggle, adapting to growing and deeply unpleasant body funk that has developed in his studio apartment as result of warming weather and his inability to scrub his body with hot, soapy water during the lockdown.

“Just to be super careful, I haven’t even gone into my bathroom, since early March. The place reeks because of me. I guess that is just the price you have to pay to be safe from the virus. It’s sad because there are some people like my cousin Garland in Fort Myers, Florida who just do not care about the rules. He showers almost every day! I guess I’m just a little bit more of a responsible guy.”

Millersteen went on to stress that in order observe all necessary precautions, he would be determined to hold off on showering for several more months, even after the quarantine ended.

Unfortunately, Stephen has noticed that people avoid him wherever he goes. “I assume it’s my body odor, but I’d rather be smelly than dead!”

Steve’s girlfriend, Estella, left him early last month. He was also told by his boss to work from home. “Why should I be punished just because

I want to avoid getting sick and maybe dying?”

At last report Stephen was spotted lying on his chaise lounge in his back yard, reading a book entitled “The Plague of 1918”. He was smiling, knowing no stupid virus would attack him ever again.