The search for CHST

The milestone year 2320 was abuzz with theories following the archaeological discovery of an ancient scrap of electronic communication. Long since thought to have been deleted by its author, this tiny encoded bit of email text had been uncovered by a team of researchers who were researching the origins of a long-lost land called Pelican Preserve. Pelican Preserve was thought to have been a biblical-inspired recreation of the Garden of Eden. Historians had previously recorded that a virus killed off its inhabitants, leaving no record inhabitants having ever resided there. In fact, a natural preserve had long since swallowed up all signs of civilization in the area.

But the discovery of a tiny clue from that long-forgotten land generated the greatest archaeological debate since the likes of Stonehenge, the Rosetta Stone and the Dead Sea Scrolls. What was this CHST, which had lost all identifying elements that might have surrounded it or given a clue to its author or authors? Hotly speculated and argued were the following theories:

In an age in which text and email abbreviations thrived, one group stated that it was obviously the shortened version of Christ. They cited as examples of shortening the spelling of a sacred word. This religious interpretation used as proof the well-known Hebrew bible’s four-letter unpronounceable reference to God, translated to the English YHVH to avoid speaking this most sacred word aloud. They argued that CHST was used in electronic communication and was most likely to have been pronounced in religious ceremonies and cursing as “CHST,” most likely exaggerating or elongating the “S” sound.

Archaeologists in the code-breaking camp rejected this religious argument. They speculated that the religious concept while on the right track, overlooked the obvious – “It’s obviously a four word message that we must decode in order to understand it,” they asserted. They pointed to dozens of abbreviated text messaging words popularized in the 21^st Century, such as ROFL, YOLO, 4EAE, and STFU. While a supposed dictionary translating these coded messages had been lost around the year 2110, but many a language scholar attempted to decode these cryptic abbreviations from the “old” English.

Among the most popular translations for CHST were:

• CHST: Come Here Stat – a reference to emergencies during the Viral Age.
• CHST: Come Here and Sit – a compound pet command shortened to a single sibilant that replicated a hissing sound, or (others argued)…
  – a human-to-human command designed to replace interpersonal cell-phone communication from across a room.
• CHST: Can’t Handle Shop Talk – A signal designed to cease conversations about business during social gatherings (most likely used by bored, non-working spouses at such events).
• CHST: Can’t Hear Sh-t – A common expression or complaint among the concert-going and clubbing generation of the period who had mostly lost their hearing.

Finally, the archaeological school of social symbology promoted an alternative more suited to their point of view. Like the Scarlet Letter of Hawthorne’s 19^th Century work, CHST was typically condensed into a wearable symbol of chastity. Much of the debate within the group centered around whether it was a warning to unwanted suitors or a parental requirement mandated for children as they approached puberty.

Needless to say, the debate rages on.