CHST

A message appeared in my email. It asked, “What does “chst” mean?” It was embedded in the sentence “I might be late so you can read or chst”. This inquiry set me to thinking. Was this a code word? An acronym? An exclamation you might make if you were choking? Or maybe it was a simple slip of the finger. Of course, it could be a misspelling. Or the word might be missing a letter or two. It could even be that I received this inquiry tempting me into opening the email exposing my computer to a virus. As if I don’t have enough trouble with the other virus already?

“CHST” might be an encrypted message informing me of the whereabouts of that rarest of all commodities these days, toilet paper. Too bad I didn’t dump my stocks earlier and buy toilet paper futures. With that last thought, I feel compelled to investigate. After an hour of considering many possibilities with no clear results I decide to take a break.

The only break we have these days in the Corona Lockdown World is to watch CNN for the latest breaking apocalyptic news. Wolf Blitzer offers an important news story. “Breaking News! Nine-year old Billy was video-taped breaking into his classroom at school to feed the little fish in the classroom fish tank”. He was caught on a hidden classroom camera. The video shows Billy dumping a whole box of fish food into the tank with the fishing swimming swiftly to the corners to avoid the avalanche. Then the video shows Billy opening his teacher’s desk drawer and withdrawing her weed. The clip jumps ahead to show Billy staring nose to nose with the fish while he sings softly in a dreamy voice “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”.

Wolf urges all parents to urgently discuss with their children the proper feeding of goldfish. He adds that parents should also lock up their weed since children have way too much time on their hands these days with schools closed.

With this terrifying clip in my mind I leave Wolf and return to the task at hand. I must determine the meaning of “CHST”. I wonder if this was a random invitation for readers to come to a Bible tent meeting. The word might mean “Chaste”, a great password to join the group. On the other end of the spectrum the acronym might mean “Can’t Have Sex Tonight”. Bummer. I don’t like either of these options.

I wish I was on “Wheel of Fortune”. I would like to buy a vowel. If I bought an “i” I could drop the “S” and put in the “i” to read “chit”. Chit could be a marker for a game. Maybe a bit coin. Maybe excrement left on the road. I don’t think I’m very good at this “Wheel of Fortune” thing.

Before I give up, I researched the original sender of the message. It was me! I was recently notifying a few members of our little writers’ group that I might be late. I thought more about this. I really need to proof read carefully before hitting “send”. It should have been “chat” i.e. “I may be late so you can read or chat”.

After working on the “CHST challenge” I walked around the deserted Town Center in our senior complex. It could pass for the set of the famous movie “On the Beach” which demonstrated the likely end of us all after a nuclear war. I was completely alone until I turned the corner and observed our town center manager, Terri, walking towards me. I said “hi” and thought of the last human survivors. I could see us as Gregory Peck and Ava Gardner especially if I just sucked it in a bit and raised my chin while looking pensively off into the distance.

I laughed and said, “I guess we ate the last two survivors”. Remember the moral of this story. Always proof read before hitting “send”.