What’s in a Name?

Sorry – guys, could not write on “virus” – still too soon.  Here is something else that popped into my head…..

In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare said “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” In context, he meant a name does not define a person. But, if that were true, why do some parents toil in selecting the perfect name for a baby and those same babies curse them years later for that same decision.

Long ago, parents named their babies after biblical names. In some cultures, children must be namesakes, after some lost, but not forgotten, relative or after a family friend.  My mother ingeniously wanted her children’s names to have potential nicknames, within the formal name, which would serve them throughout life, a kid name, teen name and adult name.

There are even books with thousands of name ideas. And nowadays it is very fashionable to come up with unique names which are atypical and to some, seem odd and unusual, especially for celebrities.

My burden was quite the opposite.  I had (and have) a VERY common name, Suzanne.  It was even a muse for many songs, ten in fact, among them, “Oh Susannah”, “Wake up little Susie,” “Suzie-Q”, the less admirable “Runaround Sue,” and not to be left out, genderbending “A boy named Sue.”

To make matters worse, there were many common derivatives of my name like, Susie, Sue, Susan, Suzannah and, across the pond, Zanna.

Equally, there are many creative interpretations, which childhood friends and some enemies invented for fun or mocking, depending on which side they were on.  Watch the pronunciations…Suz (pronounced like suds), Suzannieee (as one friend like to say, drawing out the eee for lengths at a time), and Suzie Boozie (a college moniker we won’t discuss).

Growing up in a budding, but small suburb of Chicago, our little school was bursting at the seams with upwards to twenty-five to thirty kids in each class. Year after year, there were multiple Sues, Susies, Suzannes or Susans.  To avoid confusion, the teacher would refer to us with our name and the first initial of our last name. Completely understandable from the teacher’s point of view, but equally humiliating from my vantage.  Those who went through this rather demeaning ritual may not even remember it, but I hated writing in papers and answering to “Suzanne R.”  Once I thought I should meld the two and be called “suzanner”. I never got away from it.  School, teams, clubs, work, organizations, social groups, it was all the same, many of a kind.

By most definitions, this is a petty and seemingly vain problem.  After all, it is just a name, right?  But for a young child, trying to belong or not wanting to assimilate, is the inception of an identity.  And that identity starts with a name.  When that name is owned by several other people in the same class day in and day out, it diminishes its power of individuality with a herding connotation of monotony. The many faces of sues – like the Stepford Wives.  And it simultaneously shines a spotlight on the nonconformity of the group or person who, uncommonly, has to use their first surname initial or last name in any venue.

At one point, I asked my mother to change my name to Valerie or Veronica.  Those names seemed exotic and different.  Failing that, I asked to be called Katie or Katie Sue, a derivative of my middle name, and ironically, not all that uncommon either.

As many juvenile dramas, this feeling too did pass. In adulthood, the problem never ceased, but my objections did subside.  Seeing my name in a newspaper byline, made it feel important, even if it wasn’t. And other adults with my similar name became a pseudo support group of kindred souls who potentially went through the same sore experience. I found some did and some did not.

So, facing maternity myself, I was determined to change the cycle. I labored for many painstaking months with my nose in book after book of baby names, much to my husband’s bewilderment and amusement.  He had a common name, David, which was also a Biblical and cultural name…a triple whammy.  But he never cared.

With both male children, I settled on names I equally loved and accepted as not unusual names, but not common, Jeremy and Alexander.  Proud in my accomplishment, I was satisfied that history would not repeat itself…until…  One day as a room parent at a Kindergarten school party, I was introduced to all the children in the class.  There were no boy Alex’s in the class, but there was a girl Alex.  Curses.  Throughout their formative years, they mostly dodged the bullet on the same name paradigm. My aim was partially accomplished and offered hopes that future generations will not repeat that mistake.

So, I disagree with Shakespeare.  A rose by any other name would be not be a rose at all, it would be a tulip or an iris, flowers that do smell as sweet, but have different appeal.  But it also could be a gardenia, which some people think is fragrant while others consider it pungent.  Or it could be a marigold, which is often planted for the sole purpose of driving away rabbits and rodents, due to its overpowering offense to the olfactory.

No, a name represents and can define you throughout life, helping create or disintegrate your personality. After all, if a rose is just a rose by a different name, then everyone would have the same name, like George Foreman’s family confusion, or be automaton duplicates of each other, like the aforementioned Stepford Wives.  I wouldn’t go as far as naming a child “Tree,” which can have an adverse and opposite desired effect, but I believe, when naming a child, attention must be given.  By definition, a name is a designation, tag or label. The name should be the foundation to make them all that they can be.