Wamsutta Since 1946

As one of the few renters in this magnificent residential facility on the beach, I had to inspect each room carefully before allowing my luggage to move in. The two little grey recycling bins stood side by side at full attention in the kitchen. At a diminutive 2 feet high and about a foot across, they were dwarfed by the oversized appliances. The refrigerator was clearly the Alpha. It had at least 50% additional space compared with other common, large refrigerators. This Alpha could easily contain a couple of human bodies if it was so inclined, chopped up of course.

The words “plastic” and “paper” were clearly displayed on the two little bins. Like any army, everyone has a specialty. I tested them during my inspection of the kitchen. Pressing the pedals, each bin top quickly opened with a perfect salute. I suppose I should have returned the salute but I did not, as my attention was quickly drawn to the massive living room with its four panel sliding doors leading to a 30 plus foot long balcony facing the beach, pools and fountains 15 floors below. So, this is how the top one half of one percent lives. The little recycling bins were hidden in a corner so as to not incite much guilt over the excessive use of resources for pure and brief pleasure. Out of sight, out of mind. My guilt meter began to climb though as I thought “What a disgraceful waste of resources”. Then I rationalized “Hey, it’s our 50^th anniversary; live it up”. The meter dropped.

After I checked out the place I went to the car to bring up some crucial items such as Metamucil and bottles of diet soda. On my return, my almost private elevator zoomed up to the 15^th floor in exactly 15 seconds. A voice, channeling Lauren Bacall quietly announced in a low seductive female voice, “15^th. …  floor”. To my surprise it did not go on with the rest of the famous lines to Boggart… “If you want me, just whistle. You do know how to whistle, don’t you? Just pucker up your lips and blow”. I think I’m in love! Wait, I’m married to a wonderful woman- for 50 years- “Be gone, Lauren”.

One nod to conservation was the free coffee provided each morning in the lobby for the residents and the few renter-guests. The paper cup carried an import message. It read in full, “Ecotainer- commercially compostable from sustainably harvested paper lined with plastic made from plants”. I pondered. That’s pretty fancy language for a simple fact. It should have read- “you are drinking from the remains of a massive tree chopped down in the Amazon so that you can drink from it and then throw it away in a landfill. With a little luck the tree replanting will produce more of this paper in 100 years”. I truly doubt that this cup in my hand will ever see a compost pile. Furthermore, I am skeptical that we can teach plants to become plastic. Why would any self-respecting tree change teams and join the plastic army even if it was possible to make this magical transformation?  

At the infinity pool attendants came by just in the nick of time to adjust the umbrella as the sun strived to make a BLT out of my pale white body. My guilt meter was at a low level due to my attention to the many puffy clouds sailing by. In one case, a unicorn sat on an elephant. Unfortunately for the elephant his nose fell off and he was quickly eaten by this so-called pacifist unicorn. Nature is cruel. You shouldn’t trust unicorns. Eat or be eaten.

After a hard day of relaxing I was weak. Without pressure and challenge the human body slowly dissolved into mush. Up on the 15^th floor I refreshed myself. I selected the shower of the day. Shower number three had the honor of my attention that day. The window in the shower was a bit alarming at first until I reminded myself that I am on the 15^th floor. The only possible intrusion might be from a pilot flying into the nearby airport glancing in my direction waving as he flies by. I thought, “Hey, I don’t look that bad. I’ll wave back”.

As I stepped from the shower onto the matt, I was transported. My toes giggled with joy as they sank into a furry forest. I thought, “What heaven is this?”  I glanced down and spotted a red tag at the corner of this delight. It read, “Wamsutta, since 1946, made in China”. It appeared that this little piece of heaven travelled half way around the world just to please me. I am humbled.

Going out for an errand or to see a local attraction is interesting. I wonder if the doorman knew where I lived. He seemed to be tracking me. He always greeted me with “Good morning Mr. Schofield are we going out today”. I’m tempted to reply, “Not with you, for sure” but I just smiled. I did not tell him “I’m going out to buy some cheap wine and a pizza”. And I did not explain that my purchase helped to save the planet by living modestly and recycling. I knew, of course, that there was a lot of paper in a pizza box. After we consumed the pizza, I cut the pizza box into quarters and jumped on it for a while until it fit into the “paper” bin.

Although it was a relaxing week fully apart from the insanity of the real world, l would have to acknowledge it was a disgraceful waste of resources. I bet the energy I saved from my paper and plastic sorting would not cover the cost of just one near supersonic elevator ride. Those who live here need to become educated consumers. They need to live modestly and in harmony with the world. Shame on them!

As I pulled away I returned a salute to the doorman. I thought, “I wonder if they’re booked for next year?”