THE STONER

 

THE STONER

 

Back in his college days, Rory Radzinski was a boozer of epic proportions! He was also one of the first at the university to “score” marijuana (the word “pot” was not yet in common usage)! It turns out that Rory was just an amateur compared to his classmate, Felix “The Stoner” Ocampo. Rory allegedly introduced Felix to marijuana

It was a well-known fact that both men took every exam higher than a kite on the Fourth of July! More amazing was the fact that they finished one/two in their class’ academic ratings!

Rory was accepted at Johns Hopkins with a full scholarship! Alas, he never showed up for class. Rumors spread that he was last seen riding a souped-up Chevy convertible, heading west. He was never seen or heard from again!

Felix, on the other hand, was accepted to New York University Medical School, also on full scholarship (and on full booze and grass). There, he again distinguished himself, finishing at the top of his class with the highest academic average in the history of the school – not too shabby for “The Stoner”! Again, rumors spread that he was either drunk or high or both the entire time at the school. These rumors were never proved.

He took post-graduate training in, of all things, neuro-surgery at the prestigious Stanford University Medical School. Amazingly, as always, he completed his residency with effusive praise from the professors, who never had clue one as to his extracurricular habits.

He completed his internship at the Los Angeles Medical Center. Yea, you guessed it – stoned to the gills!

The Stoner became the head of neuro-surgery at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York. His fame spread and his genius and skill were hailed throughout the medical world. He tackled the most difficult cases. His success rate was phenomenal. He became a legend in the neuro-science world and lectured extensively – still drunk as many Bowery denizens!

At the age of seventy he accepted a position in the cabinet of President Warren Harding Harrison as Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare. He had a distinguished career and was again hailed by almost everyone for his myriad accomplishments – still pie-eyed!

After retiring, he settled down in Wistful Vista, Oregon. He spent his days reading, boozing and smoking (not cigarettes), continuing to pen brilliant scientific treatises. He used a three-foot bong, accompanied by a fifth of Kentucky bourbon at least ten times every day!

He died at the age of ninety-five after being hit by a drunk driver, who ran the only stop light in Wistful Vista!

Ironic, or what?