Finding Home

The pain was horrific it seemed to come in waves rolling over her with brief respites until the next one came crashing down on her. The pain had continuously intensified throughout the night and it was now early morning.  Despite her agony she refused to cry out or scream instead tears silently slid down her cheeks.  Somewhere in the distance a television was playing and she could barely hear a Folgers’ coffee commercial you know the ones where a happy family is gathered around a table for the requisite homecoming. Her life had always been the antithesis of a coffee commercial; in fact, there usually wasn’t any “best part of waking up”.   On most days she was just glad to be waking up; to say that her childhood was difficult would be a gross understatement.  So why now of all occasions was she remembering her youth when she had spent years trying to forget it?  Perhaps it was the drugs, “Yes” she was positive it was the drugs as there could be no other reason.  With that thought she let her mind drift back in time.

Her name was August Johansen and she was 30 years old.  While she was not beautiful, nor had she ever been, August was most comfortable with her appearance. She had long red hair which she often pulled back into a bun. Her eyes were a brilliant shade of green and people often assumed (incorrectly) that she was of Irish descent.  She was approximately five feet seven inches tall and her drivers’ license (inaccurately) stated that she weighed 110 pounds but then who ever told the truth on their drivers’ license?  August grew up in a small Midwest town with one sibling whom her parents adored.  She, on the other hand, was always the odd duck out—never belonging.  Indeed her mother and father went to great lengths to inform August on a daily basis that her sister, and only her sister, was the love of their lives.  In the beginning she made excuses for her parents and refused to blame her sister for their actions.  But that stance only embolden them and increased her isolation.  By her early teens August had already devised her escape which she then executed flawlessly two days after her high school graduation. August was in her second semester of college before her loving family even noticed she was gone.  Their realization was perhaps predicated upon the increasing clutter in their home as August was not there to continue her maid services.

When August graduated from college her parents repeated their no-show performance from her high school graduation.  It was just as well as being forced to introduce them to her friends and professors would have resulted in August’s first Academy Award nomination.  The only question was would the nomination be for a best actress in a drama or a comedy? Of course

it would have to be dark comedy which was the story of her life.  Besides sarcasm which can be quite funny is the best offense to neglect.  After graduation, August moved to the West Coast for her new career.  While she contemplated stopping by her old home to see her parents and sister, upon reflection August determined that such a visit would be a disaster akin to the Poseidon Adventure vice a coffee commercial. She had been on that sinking ship more than once and had no desire to climb aboard again.  Rather, August decided that maybe, just maybe, she would one day make her own Folgers’ commercials.

The West Coast was good for her soul; however, August still struggled with her personal relationships.  Her childhood had scarred her and she found it difficult to accept love as August was positive she was unworthy.  While her parents had never graced her with a birthday present, they had given her the gift of feeling inadequate, a gift that keeps on giving.  This was a present August would never re-gift to anyone else. Rather, she intended that it die a quiet death with her.  

The years passed and August remained estranged from her family nor she did not return to her birthplace.  August had accepted that her “home” was yet to be discovered by her.  While she had not given up on finding her home, she wasn’t actively pursuing the concept either.  Instead, August was content to just be August and move forward with her life.  Sounds trite she knew but August was good with it.  She began to see joy in the world around her, like the smell of Hallowe’en a fragrance she loved but couldn’t adequately describe.

August was jerked back into the present when a new wave of pain assaulted her; this one was the strongest yet.  August was reassured by a voice she couldn’t place that, “it wouldn’t be much longer”.  But, how long had it already been?  August was certain the pain had been ongoing for several days, but that couldn’t be right, could it?  No one would be made to suffer that long, would they?  Finally the pain ceased and she was handed a tiny being.  As she stared into the beautiful blue eyes of her baby daughter, for the first time in her life August knew she had gone home and would never leave.  And, with this realization she could have sworn she smelled coffee but it was more of a Starbuck’s homecoming than Folgers.