One Very Weird Day

It’s amazing just how messed up a living room can get when a few of the guys come over for Chinese takeout followed by a Thursday night football game. I was in the process of returning my home to a livable condition when I came across three unopened fortune cookies. I don’t believe in fortune telling, tarot cards, Ouija boards, or any type of precognition, but fortune cookies are always good for a laugh. I broke open the first cookie and extracted the message – You will meet a famous person today. Cookie #2 foretold – Soon you will travel to a faraway place. Finally, cookie #3 revealed – You will read a book that never ends. I ate the cookies, wadded up the paper strips and tossed them in the recycling.

House restored, I headed for the local diner––yes, my town still has one––for a late breakfast. I had barely settled into my usual booth when a presidential candidate burst through the door with a gaggle of reporters and cameramen in tow. It is an election year and our little diner acts as a magnet for candidates looking for the common man’s opinion on everything. Being one of only five diners at that time of day, the hoard descended upon me. The candidate shook my hand, asked for my thoughts on issues, did the obligatory photo-op, and left. How about that, I met a famous person today!

I went home, realized I had no clean clothes for tomorrow, so with overflowing laundry basket in hand I headed for The Laundromat at the End of the Galaxy. (The owner is a huge Douglas Adams fan). I found the only machine not in use and opened the lid. Startled, I jumped back as a man’s head, followed by the rest of his body, emerged from the machine. I actually knew this guy; he owned the laundromat.

I asked, “What the hell are you doing in there?”

He replied in a conspiratorial tone, “I have turned each machine into a gateway to other galaxies. Just climb in and you’ll be whisked away.”

“But how will I find my way back?”

“That’s the easy part.” He replied. “Take a matching pair of socks, put one sock in your pocket and leave the other one in the basket. The socks always find their way back to each other.”

It sounded as logical as anything else that was happening to me today, so I separated a pair of socks, making sure they were a perfect match, put one in my pocket, the other back in the basket, and dove in head first. I traveled to a galaxy far, far away where I met a grizzled old man. We discussed many things.  As I was leaving for home, he handed me a book entitled, Same Beginning Different Endings. I thanked him for his gift and followed my sock home.

The book was short and I finished it in about two hours. The ending was sad and predictable. The next day I lent it to a friend.

His comment left me thoroughly perplexed when he said, “That’s the funniest ending I’ve ever read.”

I loaned the book to another friend who commented that she hated stories ending with blood and guts. The title now makes perfect sense to me.

If there is one thing I can take away from this experience it is never doubt a fortune cookie.