Thor Invents the Retirement Community

Thor has led a busy and productive life. As he approached the ripe old age of 35 he gave some thought as to how he would like to get the most out of his Golden Years. Primitive man, you may recall, rarely lived past 30 and they spent virtually all of their time hunting and foraging. However with the invention of capitalism, education, the arts and recreational activities a longer lifespan was at hand.

 

Thor contemplated how he could live out his life in his newly remodeled cave complex and the expansive tree house near the lake but he felt something was still missing. The 35 plus community was the answer. Within this community the elderly could enjoy the amenities of fine dining, endless rock bowling, plays and learning new skills. Of course, some modifications would have to be made to account for the aging process.

 

Fine dining went the way of vegetarianism to help manage the GI track and keep the weight down. Rock bowling was transformed to rock shuffling. Plays were still presented but actors had to scream their lines for the hard of hearing. New skills were a bit easier since residents were now sedentary. Residents could make animal sculptures out of mud hardened in the sun or they could write their stories on leaves to pass on to their children. Of course, their children were too busy with the newly invented rock golf to care much about these treasures.

 

Thor was reasonably content with his various activities. From time to time he arranged for educational programs for the residents. Speakers were invited to discuss life in the olden days. Other speakers presented stories about the unfortunate primitive cultures that lived far away in the next valley. Still others discussed wealth management strategies to continue building assets far beyond death. Some residents thought you could really take it with you into the Afterlife. Others dismissed this and decided to squander every coin on trips and exotic meals, jewelry and fur coats. Philosophers offered little guidance, as usual.

 

All went well with Thor’s 35 plus retirement community until one day a huge glowing orb crashed nearby. The explosion shook the very ground, interrupting the annual rock shuffle tournament. It turned out that the tournament delay was the least of their problem as the Ice Age quickly followed, destroying life as they knew it along with Thor’s good works and his 401K.

 

We have been fortunate to uncover Thor’s time capsule. Thor considered such a catastrophe and he wished to leave us this history so that we may learn from the past. How thoughtful! I’ll read this all over more carefully when I have more time.

 

I’m off to take my jet ski for service followed by dining at the newly opened upscale restaurant- Chez Thor Venison, then off to my sleep comfort bed now with 45 comfort settings, 15 vibration settings and 30 small speakers embedded into the mattress cover to lull me to sleep. Thanks to global warming, the latest version of the sleep comfort bed includes a cooling system. The palm trees in upstate New York are doing great by the way. I sometimes think about the loss of Miami and New York but it’s better not to dwell on this. As I fall off to sleep to the soothing voice of John Denver singing “Rocky Mountain High” I think of Thor’s bad luck. Things were going so well…