Come on Baby, Light My Fire

Come on Baby, Light My Fire

 

Jedediah I. Finkelsteen (the “I” stands for Ibrahim) lived with his wife, Ileana Inez Finklesteen (maiden name MacDougal). He was in dire need for something, anything, to perk up his unbearably boring existence; anything to put out the fire in his belly; to fire him up.

Then it came to him: FIRE! It got him all fired up.

He knew there were good fires and bad fires, but he was only interested in the bad. He, naively, just couldn’t think of

anything to do with fire that would rescue him from this plebian existence.

Then, out of the blue, it came to him. ”I’ll be an arsonist”! “That’ll alleviate the boredom”. Just a few acts of arson would be publicized enough to perk up his bland existence.

 

Jedediah studied hard. He thoroughly perused the internet, absorbing as much on the topic as he could.

After several months of study and amassing the required items, Jedediah set out to burn something that would afford him the excitement he so eagerly sought.

He decided to burn down city hall. After all, he had to pay a parking fine there back in ’98. That ticket helped contribute to his state of mind.

He carefully inventoried his equipment, loaded it in his Ford Firebird and drove to city hall at three in the morning. He was sure no one would be around.

He was in the midst of setting everything up, when a policeman, on his normal rounds, spotted Jedediah.

“What are you doing there?”, asked the cop.

“Nothing special”, answered Jedediah.

 

“What’s all that stuff you have with you?”

Oh, that. I’m going to burn down city hall!”

“You’re going to do what?”

“Burn the hall to the ground!”

The cop, incredulously: “Say what?”

“I am gonna burn the place. I am going to set it on fire!”

“Did you say ‘fire’?”

Yes, I did say ‘fire’.”

“Okay”, the cop said and shot Jedediah dead!

Like the cop’s mother always said: “If you play with fire, you’re bound to get burnt!”