The Signs Were There

It was a grueling seven hour drive, bumper to bumper at the end. At last we pulled into the Residence. I reminded myself, in spite of the name, I wasn’t moving here. One night only.

 

The front door resisted my initial pull. Finally leaning backward it yielded to my full weight. I’m sure the building was designed to withstand a nuclear blast which was oddly reassuring. I was able to thrust Bag One of the two overnight bags against the open door while I wheeled Bag Two into the entry way. As I turned to retrieve Bag One, I was shocked to see the door trying to crush my bag pushing it quickly towards the frame. The thought of those giant car crushers leapt into my mind. I grabbed Bag One and reunited it with Bag Two before it became the size of a cigarette pack. After repeating the process with door two I joined my wife at the registration counter.

 

The small, starkly modern lobby had nothing of warmth, including the 50 degree air temperature. The walls were shades of black and grey. The large framed pictures were swirls of grey and black. Other frames displayed black and white pictures of bridges and fences. Hypnosis, suicide and prisons came to mind. Even more ominous there were no other humans in sight except for the young clerk, dressed in a grey suit and black tie, of course. If he stood motionless he would become part of the wall.

 

Exiting the elevator a group of wire fruit sat in a large metal bowl. At least they won’t spoil. The grey carpets had meandering lines and geometric shapes trapped in their webs. As I stared down the long hallway, I could swear I saw a flash of twin girls at the end motioning to come play with them. I’ll pass. I did take note of the red exit sign to help with my escape.

 

On the wall opposite our room one of the black and white photos showed a large historical marker noting the history of the city. It noted “This lonely region was first settled in 1673 but it was abandoned because of Indian hostility before being permanently occupied in 1713”. I wonder if this “lonely region” wasn’t so lonely after all. It looks like the Indians were not totally on board with our “permanent occupation”. My mind wandered to the name of a nearby lake named “Indian Lake”. I guess we named the lake after the Indians along with giving them beads and STDs for compensation. I wonder if the Indians were allowed to use the lake after 1713?

 

I pushed my weight against our room’s door (I guess by its heft and resistance that it was a close relative of the front door) only to be blasted by an Arctic Front. I searched quickly for the thermostat shutting off the AC. I ran for the door which was busily consuming Bag One. As we returned to the hallway I complained about the early signs of hypothermia- babbling and confusion, but my wife dismissed this as my normal state.

 

It was finally safe to return to our room after we enjoyed the empty patio near the lobby. There was some kind of fire pit there which suggested possible ritual sacrifices for some unfortunate guests. No other humans dared to approach.

 

The room was similarly dressed in various shades of grey and black with the usual bridges, gates and fences. At least they can’t say we weren’t warned. Having enjoyed the dozen channels which included reruns of I Love Lucy, unknown cartoon characters, Lithuanian soccer and Fox News, we retired.

 

Morning came. A call to the desk indicated we would be released at noon. Since my smart phone wasn’t working I inquired about this. I was told we are in a Dead Zone at the bottom of a big hill. Great. I tried anyway. Still no luck. I tried other functions such as my calculator. One plus two equals, “G”? Several more attempts at higher math were attempted. Six times six equals, “E”. This went on for a few more trials until I realized this was a message… “G, E, T, O, U, T”.

 

As the Arctic Front began to return I decided to pack the car early. I was allowed to do so. I sat in the patio and my attention was drawn to a window in a nearby room. In broad daylight a lamp, fully lit, was jerked quickly left and right for 20 seconds before resting with its shade tilted right. I could see no human figure behind it. Rear Window and the Shining have taught me to take note. It was 11:16. That might be important for the police report I will no doubt be required to complete.

 

The same struggle with the front doors ensued. As I departed I noted a small grey button on the grey column near the sidewalk. It was labelled “press” in English, not Lithuanian. I did so fearing it might be a trap. Sure enough the doors gently opened.

 

As we pulled away I thought, “Actually this was a clean and quiet place. We should come back soon”. My wife agreed though she will bring a sweater next time.