If Only!

Looking at Ralph was like looking at the epitome of a tortured soul. He was pleasant enough to talk to, and even told a joke on occasion, but there was no spark of happiness in his eyes. If one was to compare him to a cartoon character, the best analogy would be Joe BTFSPLK from Li’l Abner with a rain cloud always following him overhead. He had a nice house in a quiet neighborhood, an attractive wife, two children from a previous marriage that he thought the world of, a newish car, and some money in the bank. By all appearances Ralph was living the American dream, but his cloak of despair continually blocked any expression of happiness he might show.

One day while at lunch in the company cafeteria, a coworker sat next to Ralph and asked him if he had any exciting plans for after he retired next week. Normally Ralph would offer a “Not sure” or similar two-word answer to this type of question, but today it was time to answer truthfully.

“With the way my life has played out, how can I possibly expect the rest of it to be exciting,” replied Ralph.

“Wow!” exclaimed his coworker. “That’s got to be the most negative statement I’ve ever heard. Why would you think like that?”

“If you had made as many poor choices as I have you would feel the same way. Let me give you some examples. When I was young, I wanted to be an astronomer and maybe even an astronaut. Unfortunately, my math skills weren’t very strong. When I was given a choice of getting after school help in math or join the football team, I chose football and spent most of the next four years warming the bench. If only I had chosen math help, I might have made an important discovery.

My parents told me my high school sweetheart was not the right person for me, but I didn’t listen and we were married before I finished college. We got divorced ten years and two kids later. If only I had listened to my folks, neither of us would have had to endure the emotional trauma of a bad marriage.

My financial advisor pleaded with me to buy Apple and Microsoft stocks when they were first issued but I didn’t think is was a safe investment, so I bought stock in the Aircraft Division of  Rolls Royce. They filed for bankruptcy and I lost all the extra cash I had. If only I had listened, I would be entering retirement very well off. I can go on listing examples but you can see the way my life has gone.”

“What I see is a person who has spent a lifetime dwelling on his mistakes and ignoring all the positive things that have happened in his life,” replied his companion. “Using your list of failures as a reference, lets look at the good that came from your decisions. You may have spent your football career riding the bench, but it gave you the opportunity to make friends, travel to other towns, and learn how to be a team player.

For whatever reason, your first marriage didn’t work out, but you had two kids that, from what you’ve told us, are now successful and have given you several grandchildren. The second time around you knew what to look for in a wife and partner and chose the right person.

You may have chosen the wrong stock, like thousands of other people, but you may have lost just as much in the big tech stock bust. It seems to me that the only thing you should be regretting going into retirement is that you wasted so much time regretting the things that you’ve done.”

Ralph looked at his lunch companion for a few minutes and replied, “It appears the only thing I truly regret is not having this conversation with you years ago. Thanks for your time and advice.”