Time Flies, Usually

It was 12:03 by my watch. I guess it was slow because my smart phone said it was 12:04. The clock on the wall said it was 12:06. The clock on the microwave said it was 12:05. The right hand corner of the CNN banner said it was 12:04. I’m going to go with 12:04. Wolf Blitzer is never wrong.

 

It’s really quiet now. Very eerie. Literally, not a sound. I walk over to the kitchen window. I jump back a step and take a short gasping breath. A bird is frozen in flight just outside the window. I look beyond that into the road and I see a car driving up the hill. A hand is extended pointing to a small cigarette butt just taking its first flight. Motionless, suspended in space.

 

It took me an hour, or what I think might be an hour, to figure out time has stopped. It took me a few more hours to really understand the implications. On the positive side, there is no aging. I can move about and go wherever I wish without restriction. I can do whatever I want without penalty. I have total freedom.

 

I spent a wonderful week browsing through our neighbors’ closets. Some had interesting reading selections, but I don’t think I’ll record that here. The jewelry is mostly fake. They seem to have a lot of bills too. I did enjoy wandering around Wegman’s Market and sampling their exotic chocolates and pastries. The Porsche I test drove was a blast. It’s even more fun without bothering with stop signs and red lights. I waved to the police car as I drove by a speed trap on I-90 at 125 mph.

 

My wife sat throughout the week staring at her coffee cup with the line of steam rising in spirals. I tried to get her to try the Porsche but she would have nothing of that. I left the toilet seats up on purpose. Nothing. I called my boys to see what they were up to. No response.

 

The next few weeks or so passed by without any sense of time passing. I only can guess that it might be weeks by the things I did. Sleep wasn’t an option. I had no need for it. This time suspension thing was beginning to get to me. Finally, I rushed to the garage, grabbed a step ladder and plucked the bird from the sky near the front window. I tried to make it fly by throwing it out into the yard but it fell to the ground, motionless.

 

Total silence and the lack of movement anywhere was becoming a drag. I couldn’t even feel a breeze on my face as I wandered about. I sat in front of the TV and stared at Wolf. It was still 12:04. It was 87 and sunny in Houston, 55 and showering in Spokane and 75 with cloudy skies in Chicago. The banner announced “Breaking News: Astronauts disappear on Mars Mission”. Now that is interesting. I hit the reset button on the remote and my eyes fluttered and closed.

 

My wife yelled, “What’s that in our driveway?” I said, “It’s a Porche”. The policeman at the door was nice but he said he had to book me as he found the keys in my pocket. I smiled as I walked away in cuffs to the police car. The breeze felt sublime on my face and the bird seemed happy hopping about the front yard. I’ll plead temporary insanity, of course.