“YOU’VE GOT MAIL”

 

“YOU’VE GOT MAIL”

 

Twila Nestorenko had a rather odd occupation, to say the least. As an expert Scuba-diver, she was highly qualified for her job at an exclusive Florida hotel, that was completely submerged under the waters of Biscayne bay, near Miami, Florida.

Her job was to deliver food that was provided for guests by room service! Equipped with Scuba gear, she carried the guests’ requests through the sea to their rooms in a water-tight container. What service!

As she did, between deliveries, she perused her emails. Usually, there were precious few that she accessed.

One day, a particular mail stood out. It stated that, if one used this product, it would increase oxygen retention in the blood stream by 100%! Use of this product would enable divers to hold their breath for thirty minutes or more!

 

Perfect for Twila! She would no longer need bulky, expensive Scuba gear, not have to worry about filling the tank with air, no longer worry about losing air during a dive. A dream come true! …and it was a mere $29.99 with free delivery!

Twila signed up. She ordered the product, labeled “No Air”.

One week later, she found an unmarked package in her mail box. She quickly opened it. There was a large bottle, packed in cotton. It contained fifty huge, aqua-blue tablets. The package also contained a sheet with extensive directions:

1. Keep out of the reach of children
2. Store the pills in the refrigerator
3. Do not eat for six hours prior to ingesting
4. Never take more than one pill in a twenty-four-hour period
5. Use no more than one ounce of water to swallow the pill
6. Wait another four hours before eating again
7. Wait four hours before a dive, to obtain the full effects of the pill
8. After use, wait six hours before entering any kind of water
9. Call 911, if you experience an adverse reaction
10. Side effects may include: lymphoma, shortness of breath, swollen hands and feet, a dry cough and a rash around the eyes. Death may ensue!

 

Twila rigidly followed the directions prior to her next dive. She then swallowed one pill with exactly one ounce of water. After the required three hours, she entered the water to deliver one extra-large pizza with extra cheese, mushrooms, onions and pepperoni.

Half-way down, she started to gasp for air. Within a few minutes, she drowned, trying to get back to the surface.

The pizza container floated to the bottom and was promptly consumed, in one gulp, by great white shark that was this far north, looking for new feeding grounds!

 

The couple who never got their pizza, complained vociferously to management. Management apologized and deducted twenty dollars form their bill.