DON’T STOP ME NOW

 

 

DON’T STOP ME NOW

(With apologies to “Queen”)

(Further apologies to Joe Rowe)

 

Joe was perusing the local newspaper. He came across an ad that stated: “Don’t stop me now. I’m having such a good time. If you want to have a good time, just give me a call.” It was signed, Lillian. There was a phone number attached.

Normally, Joe would ignore this, but he was rapidly aging. His wife was no longer interested in him. He was ripe for this kind of thing. There had been so little good times in the past ten years.

After a lot of thought, Joe did something he never did before. He dialed the number.

A sultry voice answered: “Hi, how can I help you?”

 

 

 

 

Joe, again after much hesitation, stuttered: “I’m a lonely old man. My wife ignores me. I am longing for female companionship and ‘a good time’.”

 

Lillian told him not to worry, “not even one little bit. You’ll have a great time!

She gave him her address and an appointment was made three days hence.

Joe was elated! The three-day wait could not end soon enough.

Joe arrived at Lilian’s door an hour early. He waited, girding his courage, debating whether to ring the doorbell.

His longing got the better of him and he pushed the doorbell.

Lillian appeared in a see-through, gossamer gown and bade him entry.

There was a selection of liquors and exotic foods spread out enticingly before him. Joe sat down and started with the Beluga caviar and Moet champagne. He never got beyond the first bite!

An eight-inch stainless steel skewer, deftly wielded by Lillian, pierced the back of his brain, killing him instantly!

As Lillian started to dissect the corpse, she softly sang: “Don’t stop me now. I’m having such a good time. Don’t stop me now.”