A NEW HOUSE OF WORSHIP

A NEW HOUSE OF WORSHIP

 

This notice recently appeared on the Pelican website:

Construction of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Brown Pelican, a Gothic extravaganza, will be built on the site of the former pickle ball courts. It will include two towers with bells, made from melted musket balls, recovered from the Seminole Indians during the Second Seminole War. Statues of white and brown pelicans will adorn the spires.

Tours, by appointment only, will be conducted on the second Saturday every August.

Church charities will include, among others:

1-The Pelican Picnic Fund

2-The annual Drive for Sore Feet

3-The Little League Foul Ball Charity Ball

4-The Dinner for Alligator Health

The pastor will be the Right Reverend Harcourt Hastings Hathaway IV, Ph.D., DO, BVD, PDQ.

The pipe organ will be four stories high, recovered from the 4^thCentury Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion in Medieval South Dakota. Each pipe (there are 47) produces a single pitch. Multiple pipes illicit a musical scale. There are 51 foot-pedals.

The organist Is Babs “Lightfoot” Frescobaldi who trained at the Instituto Oregano de la Nascimento in Estero, Spain. She’ll open with her latest oratorio: “The Death of Tony Soprano”.

Pastor Hathaway’s first sermon will be the block-buster “The Evolution of Trivial Regional Sand Boxes”.

The chorus, made up of 143 members, all suffering from OPD, will chant a medley of their favorites, including: “Wipe All the Dirt from My Soul” and “Dust to Dust Among the Laity”

The notice was strangely deleted. The cathedral was never built. Pastor Harcourt eloped with Babs, the organist. The entire chorus was hired to clean the pickle ball courts!