Hey Google, What Year Is It?

At first I was thrilled. Who wouldn’t want to get 10 years back? I woke up and it was the spring of 2008. I wondered if this was just a dream.  If it is, it’s a really long one.  I’ve seen several weeks go by in “real time”.  I can actually change the course of my life.  What could go wrong?

 

I sold all my stocks and bonds of course to avoid the big economic collapse. Now I won’t suffer any losses. In fact, with all that money on the sideline, I can buy at rock bottom lows and make a fortune.

 

My wife is alive now. I can warn her about her heart condition. Then we can enjoy a long retirement together.  Also, I won’t be hitting that deer on the interstate either.  I won’t be on that road on that fateful summer night. I will also warn the people of Haiti of the terrible earthquake coming. That will save several thousand lives. Maybe I’ll get some kind of Nobel Prize.

 

Well, it’s a year later now, 2009. Things didn’t exactly work out as I planned. After I sold all my stocks and bonds, it triggered an investigation and I am charged now with various crimes regarding stock manipulations and fraud.  That triggered tightening of lending requirements which prevented the Great Recession.  What little is left of my portfolio will be used for my legal defense. My lawyer wants me to use the “time dimension” defense as part of my insanity plea.

 

I did avoid the deer incident, but unfortunately I hit a bear on a small back road. I’m  still picking fur out of my front grill.  My wife’s heart condition made her so anxious she started smoking and now she has terminal lung cancer. Haiti was abandoned in time to avoid earthquake casualties. However, everyone escaped to Cuba, the Dominican Republic, St. Thomas and other islands.  That set off a war in the region causing the destruction of several countries and the death of millions. There will be no Nobel Prize.

 

I’ve changed my identity and I now live in seclusion in a tiny cabin in the Yukon Territory with no cell phone, no electricity and no newspapers. I plan to live out my life in obscurity with only owls, chipmunks and crickets for company.

 

In the morning I chopped some wood for the fire. A thunderous whirring sound approached from the south. A small basketball sized globe descend from the huge hovering craft landing at my feet. A tiny metal arm extended itself holding a small envelope. “Please open”, the orb announced.  I obeyed.

 

The note was printed. It was terse and functional. “We regret to inform you that you have been accidentally transported to the year 3018 due to a minor malfunction in our time travel technology. You are woefully unprepared for this time. You are now in the middle of the last few square miles of existing forest- do not chop or cut any wood. You will be transported to the planet of your choice at sunset. Good luck”.

 

I studied the sunset for the last time. It was a spectacular deep blue. I put on my wristwatch- as if I will ever need it. I charged up the emergency generator and said in a loud voice, “Hey Google, what’s it like on Planet X-12F?” After a brief pause, Google sighed and said “Don’t ask”.