ups

U.P.S.

Arising at six AM, I hear a knock at the door. Early for guests. I open the door – it’s a UPS man, delivering a package. I open the package. No return address. No note of explanation. Just a run-of-the-mill bottle opener. “Is this a joke?”, I muttered. “I have a lot of bottle openers. Who needs another?”

I throw it in a drawer and forget about it. Until….

That evening I host an intimate dinner party for some close friends. One of my guests asks for a soda. “Where is my bottle opener?” Then, I remember the morning’s delivery. Strange!

The next morning, same thing; same UPS man, same package, but inside this time a box of band aids. “What am I, bleeding?”

 

That evening, while preparing dinner for my new lady friend, I was dicing onions and garlic. Wouldn’t you know, I accidentally cut my finger. The morning’s delivery saved the evening.

Eerily, the deliveries continued every day. What was going on? How could this be? They were always necessary for something that happened later in the day. Was I losing it? Was this some elaborate hoax by one of my friends?

I questioned the UPS man. No help there. I was just on his route. He knew nothing of the origin of these deliveries.

The deliveries were items that could easily be purchased anywhere, but their later-in-the-day-use was as bizarre as it could get. After some time, I just accepted my morning “gifts”, went on with my day and started looking forward to their delivery each day. But why did they always coincide with their later use?

 

 

Until! One morning I opened a carton and inside was a gun! What could possibly happen later in the day that would necessitate the use of a firearm?

That night, around eleven PM, I heard the sound of breaking glass. I got out of bed to investigate and came face-to-face with a masked intruder, wearing a hoodie.

I raced into my bedroom, retrieved the weapon and pointed it at the intruder. He laughed and came at me. I pulled the trigger in defense. Nothing! The gun never fired!

As a result, the hooded-man stabbed me. The wound was fatal!

A package came the next day as usual. It contained the ammunition for the gun. I just was not there to accept it!