Hello, Cantaloupe!

I’m puzzled. Are you talking to me? The woman is engaged in fairly loud chatter as she holds the cantaloupe gently in her hand. Her words are inaudible from this distance but there is a tone of seriousness. I decide to approach to see is she is in need of some help. I finally get close enough to pick up the conversation. She is apparently discussing her portfolio with the cantaloupe- something about equity holdings. My heart goes out to this poor deranged woman getting financial advice from a cantaloupe. I’m about to leave this sad scene when she turns and walks briskly past me with a wire and tiny speaker hanging from her left ear.

 

As I ponder the rudeness of carrying on personal business here at Mighty Mart I am glad she wasn’t talking to her sex crazed lover. No I won’t go there. She’s headed for the bananas. What! I am almost T boned by a speeding cart. The driver was pushing the cart with one hand and tapping furiously on his smart phone with the other. Maybe he was texting Banana Girl. They deserve each other.

 

I scan the horizon. Dozens of carts are moving about with all faces glued to some kind of electronic device. Even at the deli counter a sea of parked vehicles stretches out for a block, with each worshiper’s head bowed in some silent reverie, tapping away to some unseen being. “Number 17”- no response. “Number 18”- a head bobs up. Too bad for 17, they’ll have to start all over. That’s the price of intense worship.

 

An infant of about 8 months sits, seat belted into the cart, smiles at me as I walk by. I return this smile with an instinctive wide smile and a nod. The little girl raises her hand and begins a wave. Just then, mother slams a tiny, thin, pink object into her hand. A smiling teddy bear face on the screen says “Hello, Meghan” and my little fellow traveler begins tapping away as conversation and music ensue. I wave an unseen goodbye to Meghan, if that’s your real name.

 

The checkout lanes are packed, with most of the captives dutifully loading the conveyor belt with the precious supplies, left handed, while tapping with their right. I decide to head for the self-checkout. There at least I will escape this place quickly. As I walk near, the screen comes alive and I’m greeted by a sweet voice thanking me for shopping at Mighty Mart. I’ll call her Mary. I wish I could thank Mary since this is the only human contact I have had at Mighty Mart. I simply pat the top of the screen in thanks. “Please begin scanning now”. Mary is serious, so I just get to the work at hand.

 

I would have been out of there in a record 48 seconds. Mary has a fabulous memory and keeps track of these things. However, I was distracted by Meghan who flew by the main aisle, as mother weaved about the slow moving carts. Mary seemed displeased as she announced, “One minute and twenty three seconds”. Ashamed, I headed for the door.

 

As I approached my all electric car, the doors clicked and I could barely hear the hum of the engine and the whirr of the air conditioner. I sat as the safety harness quickly fell from the roof, locking into place. The destination screen lit up and announced it will be twenty two minutes before I arrive home and my wife will be called to inform her of my arrival time.

 

I take the daring move to turn off the car. I reached for my phone and quickly tapped out a two page rant about the lack of human contact in our modern world. I tapped “send” and it was sent instantly to my 400 closest contacts. I smile in recognition of my defiant stand. The engine starts and the car pulls away while I return the phone to my pocket. I could have sworn there was a slight chuckle coming from the engine. I’ll get it checked tomorrow.