Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

 

Pine Lake, Indiana

September, 2005

 

Muddy Blue Me

 

Sometimes I have nightmares,

then wake up all sweaty,

shaking,

and

remember I’m in

Pine Lake, Indiana

where the water’s

blue

and

calm

as a sailboat at sunset.

 

Mama calls us “Hoosiers” now.

I ain’t sure what that means.

Except

it’s too quiet

and

no one sings.

 

Mama says,

“Blue,

(her new name for me)

you’re got lucky, girl.

with me working at

the Blue Heron Restaurant,

a blue heron bird,

and a pretty, blue lake to look at.”

 

I grumble back,

“I ain’t lucky.”

I still don’t

have no daddy around.

 

 

 

Of course,

now

everything’s beautiful-blue shades to Mama,

including my name,

which is really Emma June Johnson.

 

I want to scream.

 

Life’s not beautiful-blue, Mama!

It’s a muddy blue color,

like the lake after it rains.

 

But definitely

not mud-red,

like Katrina

and

the Red Cross.

 

I’ll give her that.