Flight 1068

 

The message was clear and it shook me out of a pleasant state of semi-conscious blissful calmness. I was floating along at 33,000 feet far above the cares of the world.  The stern voice announced, “There will be turbulence ahead.  Everyone including attendants need to be seated and buckled in”.  My attention instinctively looked forward to the pocket in front of me for guidance.

 

The words “Be Safe” jumped out as a beacon of hope. In large bold letters, it appeared to be a command and I obeyed.  It offered directions on how to open the emergency door to my right and it then went on to describe how the inflatable rafts would be inflated and available in the event of our ditching into the Atlantic.  My mind wandered back to our initial instructions.

 

The Smiling Lady in Red bent over examining the trio before her who will soon be deputized to rescue the entire plane full of souls should there be a crash. What a heavy burden.  Yet, I cheerfully accepted the honor and trust bestowed upon me.  James Bond to my left, similarly agreed to this request. Slim and muscular in his tight athletic shirt, designed to display his pronounced pecs, I leaned over and suggested I could handle the 49 pound door if he could manage the rafts.  With a smile, “No problem”.  Quiet Man sat to my right, eyes closed during Smiling Red Lady in Red’s informative safety lecture.  She broke her cheerful demeanor for a second and sternly stated, “Sir, I need to hear you say ‘Yes’, it’s the rules.  His left eye opened to half-mast which was apparently sufficient for Smiling Lady in Red.  Off she went to cheer the rest of the plane as they readied for the journey.  She seemed so sublimely happy I wondered if she had just won the lottery and she was now able to offer life-saving surgery for her terminally ill infant.

 

Just after this exciting prologue to our journey, I observed two little white fluffy dogs marching up the aisle towing their owner along. Dressed in red vests with “helper” emblazed they seemed quite assured in their mission.  Clearly one was watching for dangers to the right, the other to the left.  Maybe he needed two dogs because they had dyslexia. One could only see to the right, one to the left.  I wondered if Blind Man, Smiling Lady in Red, Mr. Bond and Quiet Man were somehow all linked in a drama yet to unfold.  And here we are.

 

Having devoured the “Be Safe” literature, I examined the next manuscript to guide me to safety, “Feel Better”. Hopefully, I lifted this from the pocket to find it was a simple bag.  Hmm.  I looked inside for further guidance, nothing.  Undeterred, I pressed on to the next manuscript, “Fuel for Flight”.  This looked promising.  Unfortunately it was only an advertisement for 9 delicious lunch options.  All nine of them had the same sad piece of chicken dressed up in different costumes with different companions and different poses.  It was artfully photographed, I had to admit, but not much help.  What am I going to do with a piece of chicken as we plummet to earth?  I suppose I could fend of sharks, but that will be Mr. Bond’s job.

 

Smiling Red Lady in Red’s final mission was to hustle down the aisle collecting plastic cups. How this will help us in the crash was a mystery.  Flying paper cups are the least of my concern.  Maybe she intended to assemble all of these cups in a make-shift raft for crew only.  She better hurry.

 

Before passing our aisle Mr. Bond motioned to her and she bent to hear his whispers. I knew it.  There was a story here.  The conversation was one sided, with Smiling Lady in Red nodding a few times, understanding her mission.  Mr. Bond had been highlighting a manuscript for the past hour, calmly decoding his manuscript.  He earlier had passed a cup of soda to Quiet Man, who hasn’t budged one inch as he sat clutching the half crushed empty cup, eyes closed.  I wonder if he was tranquilized or eliminated.  As the plane began to flap its wings and bounce about like a puppy waiting for his treat, Mr. Bond calmly ascended and walked forward.  I imagined he was going to assume flight duties.  Perhaps we would be diverted to Cuba.  Maybe he would just alert the authorities to his capture of Quiet Man, long sought by international forces.

 

Since you are reading this, you already know the ending. Yes, we safely flew through the turbulence, thanks to the skill of Mr. Bond.  However, as I departed I glanced back to observe Quiet Man still inert.  I can only assume he would be properly removed and interrogated by Mr. Bond, the Smiling Lady in Red, and probably Blind Man.

 

Post Script:  Flying used to be tedious and stressful.  It looks like there is a new push by Airlines to provide some excitement and adventure to flying, besides the usual adventure of spending three days in JFK or Atlanta.  Great job Delta!