Help Wanted: Mothers

Applicants:

Must be female, though this can be flexible these days

No previous experience required

No training, education, licensing required
Special requirements:

Must be willing to gain about 30 lbs. for mine months;

Must be able to withstand 10 level pain during The Miracle of Birth;

Must be able to remain conscious with virtually no sleep for the first post birth year;

Must be comfortable handling massive quantities of human waste;

Must be able to remain calm in the face of teenage rage and “I hate you”  phase;

Must be able to put aside personal goals and interests for at lease two decades.

Salary:

None.  Note: net loss of 200k, the average cost to raise a child to 18; does not include The cost of therapy or legal fees

Benefits:

Mother’s Day cards; dinner out (optional)

Smiling child, when they are asleep

Miracle of Birth (see above)

Job description:

Cook, clean, wash

Watch for any danger 

Put the toilet seat down

Fix, repair all illness and injuries

Interested? 

Contact your nearest man for further information.  Warning:  promises of support and assistance may be exaggerated.  No refunds.  No returns.  All sales are final.