Slabs

My old schoolmate Slabs slides easily back on to his tightly squeezed stool at Dillon’s Dam Brew Pub after his return from the urinal room.  He has already downed a pint of the 6.7 % IPA that is the signature drink here at the Dillon Dam Pub.  Glib, is not one of the character traits you would ordinarily attribute to Slabs, say if you met him on the job, the golf course of even at the back of the church.  But now here on his perch above the brass rail a more voluble and animated Slabs has arrived.

So, just to get a conversation going, I ask Slabs what do you think of the Russian thing and Mr. Trump.  I knew right away I was going to get some answers to the “raises questions” that even a sneeze, albeit without a handkerchief, by the President stirs in the liberal media.  After another sip of the amber foam Slabs gives a little “heh”.  Followed by, “Trumps done nothing wrong but beat the pantsuit of that Hillary woman.”

I have a knack to keep these kinds of “conversations” going so I prod just a little and say, “can you explain a little?”  “Well”, Slabs utters, “it’s like this, Trump talked to many dealers like himself for 40 years.  During Obama’s time in the head shed he along with Hill followed the company line to get friendly with the Ruskies.  Romney was so out of touch to even suggest that Russia was any kind of threat.  The cold war was over for 25 years.  So lets all get friendly with Putin.  Hill pushed the re-set button for all to see giving everybody the green light.  Even Barrack whispered to the number 2 guy from Russia that he would have more freedom to deal friendly with the Russians after he won his second term.  And that they all did.”

That fits the definition of “collusion”, I know ’cause I looked it up.

So here comes Hillary, the default candidate of the Democrats, the default was really just full of faults and got snookered by the Constitution’s way of electing Presidents.  Now it’s all Trump’s fault for winning and none of her faults.  She had support from 90 percent of the media and still couldn’t beat the big mouth from Trump Tower.

“Hillary “deplored” at least 50 percent of America while old Romney only didn’t expect any votes from 47 percent.  You could look that one up.”

So , I cleared my throat and took a slug of my warming beer and so did ole Slabs.  He gazes straight ahead for a lengthy pause and says, “have you got your answers yet?”

“Yea, I got a few now but I could use a few more details if you have any”.  “About Trump and the Russian collusion”, I smiled.  Slabs offers, “Trump doesn’t know how to collude because he tweets every Goddamn thing he thinks of. ”  “Ya gotta have secrets with others to collude but he has no secrets.  He blurts out his staccato mind a mile a minute and the Trump haters go bananas.  He drives em all nuts which is easy because they are all near nuts already.  It sure beats watching the soaps or the 300th “exclusive” showing of Gone with the Wind.”

You’re right there, I agree.

Hey, Slabs, I voice, “what about this knocking over all the statues?”  Oh, don’t get me going on that one.  “It’s plainly a crime.”  “Malicious destruction of public property is a crime.  I looked that one up.” “Yet some of the big shots go along with it.”  “Big shot privilege is what I call it.”

Ole Trumper is going to find out that when you’re up to you’re ass with alligators it’s hard to remember your original mission was to drain the swamp. He’ll learn that one the hard way.

Second pint now half way gone, Slabs turns to me and says, “how’s the wife and kids?” Doing great I tell him.  Grand kids winning spelling bees, hitting home runs, finding hundreds of golf balls up near the house. Life is great. “Yep”, he says, the country, the real people, are better off than the minds of those big fat cats in Washington.

“You should come here more often”, Slabs mutters. “I’ve got a few more bits of wisdom to tell you.  How about tomorrow about six?” I wouldn’t miss it for the world.  Sagacity is hard to find? I tell him.  “Sagacity he says?” I’ll have to look that one up.